Am I Ready For This?

For the most part I think of myself as a very relaxed momma.  A person could easily go crazy thinking of 'what ifs' and 'what thens' when it comes to children.  Especially raising children right to be outstanding citizens.  Children that know they came from a loving family in heaven, have a purpose on this earth, and a place to go when they leave their mortal body.

It's too scary.  So I don't think about it and know that everything will fall in to place as it should.  And if nothing else, I pray that none of my children need to go to jail to get their lives sorted out for themselves.

But I do get scared.  I get so scared that I start to hyperventilate about the future.  About Alaska going to school her first day.  About her going over to a friend's house.  Her first birthday party even.  And by first I mean the one that is going to be here in 5 months.  I know, it shouldn't be scary, but anything in the future is scary.  Anything that I don't know about right now is scary.  Anything where Alaska has to make a decision and I hope that I have taught her well enough to make the right decision hounds on me and takes my breath away.

I remember when I used to be so scared for her to sit up.  When I was holding that little baby that just wanted to sleep all day and snuggle I got nervous about her walking.

Silly, right?

Yes, totally ridiculous.  After having watched her roll over and sit up and now crawl I have realized that everything comes naturally and at it's own pace.  I think perhaps babies learn things in steps not for them, but for their parents.  Us.  Wouldn't it be a heart stopper to have your 3 month-old tell you, "Momma, stop kissing my cheeks.  You're making me claustrophobic"  Yes.  It would.

When Alaska's first day of school comes around, even though I am not ready for it now, I am sure by the time it is here we're going to be waiting for the bus half a hour early because we're both so excited.  Or, let's be realistic, we're going to be yelling and crying as I try to get her pigtails just so on her head as she squirms in excitement and I am going to pull too hard and she's going to cry and I am going to say something about how if she would just sit still... And then the bus will come and the bus will go and she'll be driving in the car to her first day of kindergarten.