I just need to jot down yesterday's adventures. It was a chaotic day.
Running kids here and there and then picking them back up for this major dentist appointment that I had made for all three of the girls at the same time. And somehow I got myself dolled up decent enough to attend a meeting for C and look like a normal person. I may have actually taken a double-take in the mirror, wondering where that girl has been for the past month. I have been rocking the mom-bun a lot but took the time to blow-dry and straighten my hair and it made a large difference.
C's meeting was actually for her sister, but because of dad actually getting into his apartment that he was supposed to get into back in March, I wanted to hear firsthand how everything was going and going to go down. Nothing much to report. They are looking at a return to parent the end of July - giving the girls some time out of school and for dad to get his house put together with some furniture and stuff from the community warehouse. C's sister is a pretty big worrier and has some anxiety about moving away from everything that she knows and is upset that her parents aren't together to live happily ever after. It's like the trauma from a divorce, too, that affects kids so deeply. Not just trauma from being removed from mom and put into foster care. It goes so much deeper and the resentment is against both parents right now.
I had to take E to the meeting because I didn't have time to pick her up from a sitter afterwards. She did really great and the person who was most distracted by her presence was C's mom. It was slightly irritating. I was feeling super territorial of my little girl.
After the meeting I ran around like a crazy lady picking up Alaska and D from school and we headed off to Clatskanie (45 min drive) for the dentist.
When we got there, there was three pages of paper work for each girl that I scribbled through and before I was done with all of them, a team of three ladies came out to gather the girls up to clean their teeth. A whole team! I was expecting them to do one at a time. It was the best surprise ever! I stayed in the waiting room while the cleaning was happening - finishing up the paperwork and catching up on some magazine reading time. I smiled to myself as I listened to the girls. They were so excited and filled with energy that their conversations could be heard all the way in the waiting room.
Alaska to the hygienist - my sister lost her tooth!
D from the other cubicle - and I got a dollar!
And it went back and forth like that - their excited voices spilling all their beans about their teeth to the hygienists.
They summoned me in when the dentist was looking at all their teeth and I got caught up on their complications.
Alaska has a cavity that she has had practically as long as she has had a molar. But it's not decayed and is mostly unsightly because of the stain. So we are instructed to watch it again. Which is what we have been doing for the past three years.
D has tight teeth and has invisible cavities all up and through her mouth, between her teeth - 11 or some unsightly number.
E came with visible cavities and they weren't able to do an x-ray to find more due to her gag reflex.
They'll both be referred to a pediatric specialist to get everything fixed up.
D had been upset that she hadn't been able to eat lunch before I picked up her up - and because I hadn't sent her with a lunch - she also didn't have her accustomed snack at snack time that I put in special for her to eat in class. She was starving and shed a couple of tears on the way to the appointment. We just didn't have time. Not even to stop at McDonalds before heading out of town.
I made it up to them by taking them to pizza afterwards. I ordered a medium and we polished it off with no problem. D had chosen the card game 'old maid' as a prize and I don't ever remember playing that as a kid. After lunch we opened up the pack and read the directions - learning how to play as we went, all 4 of us. We played through a couple of games before heading back into the car for the trek home. It was just the best time ever. Absolutely filling me to the top with love for each girl.
Later that night we went to John's band concert, after much dilemma on my part. I did get a nap when we got home, and that made all the difference for the rest of the day. But it was still hard because my other option was to do a book group we've been doing, where the girls would see their brother. Both good. And I knew John wouldn't mind either way - but my sister moral compass pulled me towards the band concert and that's where we ended up landing.
John was awarded most inspirational, so it was nice to be there for that. He is just the most awesome brother a girl could have.
Afterwards the weather was so nice that Steve and the kids played a half hour of tag before we got in the car for yet another long ride back home. We got home at 10 and everyone had fallen asleep in the car. But it was all worth it.
Friday, May 26, 2017
Wednesday, May 24, 2017
Beach Day!
Monday. The weather app on my phone estimated Seaside being 76 degrees. It is hardly ever that hot there, even in the middle of August, so I made a plan and went for it. The place was packed. Even with it being a Monday and school still being in session. There was zero parking in the parking lot but we were able to get a spot not too far. Which was important, because we needed the bathrooms!
Between getting everyone ready and off to school yesterday - it was a crazy little bit.
7:30 - Took D to school. Hustled back and threw together the suits, beach blanket, water bottles and got everyone else dressed and hair done-did. Grabbed up some snacks that I already had at the house and loaded up the car.
8:30 - Took Alaska to school.
8:45 - Hustled through Walmart for a few necessities. D has been needing a swim suit that fits rather than wearing Alaska's and C was coming with us and I didn't bother asking for a suit. Just picked up one for her, knowing that her and D wear the same size, and we would hang out to it and still get use out of it. Two suits down, headed over to get a camping chair for my own pregnant self and passed through and got some cookies and pretzels for the ride.
9:50 - Dropped E and Talmage off with a friend at dance class. We've been doing this toddler dance class for the last two months and when E joined our family I enrolled her, even though she doesn't fit the toddler requirement. It's just what happens when you're not in school - you do everything mom does. And she's been doing great. She's small enough, too, that she doesn't even stick out all that much.
10:00 - Made it to an ESD appointment for E. She qualified for services for speech articulation. And everyone was all puzzled about it. As if. She's hard to understand because she skips a lot of sounds in a word. But they went ahead and put her in for a 4 week summer program of a hour a week and will make her up an IEP to start kindergarten with.
10:30 - Meeting was over so I jetted over to the library to pick up a couple of audio books for our 2 hour drive.
11:00 - the start of picking everyone up from schools. Alaska from preschool, D from elementary, C from head start. Hauled everyone in to head start to use the bathroom before heading out and we were finally leaving town at 11:40.
12:10 - Picked up my mom from school and then did another bathroom break at 12:30 in Clatskanie since the kids had eaten snacky lunches in the car with juices. Needed to empty those bladders out as much as possible!
We arrived at the beach! Played for a long, long time. I got so super burnt that today I have had to wobble around because the skin on my legs and feet are so sensitive. I just got so busy! Thought we would get back to the blanket sooner than we did. Those girls are all wave chasers. Talmage and D were wave runners and stayed with Nana the whole time, running from the waves. The tide was super far out and there were tons and tons of sand fleas for the girls to look at and there was even a crab that got washed up to us. Talmage was hilarious and jumped mid-air into Nana's arms. It was terrifying and cool at the same time.
We spent most of our time at the water. The trek back to the blanket was a far one, given that the tide was so low. We went back once for snacks and drinks and the rest of it all was spent shell collecting and wallowing in the water. Perfect day. The temperature and the wind were all just at the right everything.
It took us an hour from leaving the water to getting the car turned on to go home. The walk back on the sand was punctuated by a stop at the water spigot where we then continued on our way back to the parking lot and to the bathrooms where everyone had a turn filing through.
The ride home was just as loud and full of energy as the way there. Which never happens. Usually kids are wiped out. Having C in the mix really made our car a loud place and even though no one was talking to her, she just loves to hear herself talk to herself, make noise, sing, whatever. I had to use our voice thermometer technique a few times on her because I couldn't even hear my mom sitting across from me in the front seat and C was in the far back!
We had a close call when we were getting dinner. Talmage announced he needed to poop, and it was an emergency. The DQ was right there, thank goodness, but turns out a) they didn't have a bathroom inside and b) there was no drive-through. So I dropped Nana and Talmage off and then had to park and left the girls in the car listening to the audio book Little House on the Prairie.
One more emergency pull over - thank goodness it was a quick exit at the John Day day park and off we went again.
Between getting everyone ready and off to school yesterday - it was a crazy little bit.
7:30 - Took D to school. Hustled back and threw together the suits, beach blanket, water bottles and got everyone else dressed and hair done-did. Grabbed up some snacks that I already had at the house and loaded up the car.
8:30 - Took Alaska to school.
8:45 - Hustled through Walmart for a few necessities. D has been needing a swim suit that fits rather than wearing Alaska's and C was coming with us and I didn't bother asking for a suit. Just picked up one for her, knowing that her and D wear the same size, and we would hang out to it and still get use out of it. Two suits down, headed over to get a camping chair for my own pregnant self and passed through and got some cookies and pretzels for the ride.
9:50 - Dropped E and Talmage off with a friend at dance class. We've been doing this toddler dance class for the last two months and when E joined our family I enrolled her, even though she doesn't fit the toddler requirement. It's just what happens when you're not in school - you do everything mom does. And she's been doing great. She's small enough, too, that she doesn't even stick out all that much.
10:00 - Made it to an ESD appointment for E. She qualified for services for speech articulation. And everyone was all puzzled about it. As if. She's hard to understand because she skips a lot of sounds in a word. But they went ahead and put her in for a 4 week summer program of a hour a week and will make her up an IEP to start kindergarten with.
10:30 - Meeting was over so I jetted over to the library to pick up a couple of audio books for our 2 hour drive.
11:00 - the start of picking everyone up from schools. Alaska from preschool, D from elementary, C from head start. Hauled everyone in to head start to use the bathroom before heading out and we were finally leaving town at 11:40.
12:10 - Picked up my mom from school and then did another bathroom break at 12:30 in Clatskanie since the kids had eaten snacky lunches in the car with juices. Needed to empty those bladders out as much as possible!
We arrived at the beach! Played for a long, long time. I got so super burnt that today I have had to wobble around because the skin on my legs and feet are so sensitive. I just got so busy! Thought we would get back to the blanket sooner than we did. Those girls are all wave chasers. Talmage and D were wave runners and stayed with Nana the whole time, running from the waves. The tide was super far out and there were tons and tons of sand fleas for the girls to look at and there was even a crab that got washed up to us. Talmage was hilarious and jumped mid-air into Nana's arms. It was terrifying and cool at the same time.
We spent most of our time at the water. The trek back to the blanket was a far one, given that the tide was so low. We went back once for snacks and drinks and the rest of it all was spent shell collecting and wallowing in the water. Perfect day. The temperature and the wind were all just at the right everything.
It took us an hour from leaving the water to getting the car turned on to go home. The walk back on the sand was punctuated by a stop at the water spigot where we then continued on our way back to the parking lot and to the bathrooms where everyone had a turn filing through.
The ride home was just as loud and full of energy as the way there. Which never happens. Usually kids are wiped out. Having C in the mix really made our car a loud place and even though no one was talking to her, she just loves to hear herself talk to herself, make noise, sing, whatever. I had to use our voice thermometer technique a few times on her because I couldn't even hear my mom sitting across from me in the front seat and C was in the far back!
We had a close call when we were getting dinner. Talmage announced he needed to poop, and it was an emergency. The DQ was right there, thank goodness, but turns out a) they didn't have a bathroom inside and b) there was no drive-through. So I dropped Nana and Talmage off and then had to park and left the girls in the car listening to the audio book Little House on the Prairie.
One more emergency pull over - thank goodness it was a quick exit at the John Day day park and off we went again.
Sunday, May 21, 2017
Having 4 Kids
What I've learned having 4 kids:
It's easier to take them out and do something on a Saturday than to keep them at the house entertained without going crazy about the mess that is happening.
I think I have 'a lot' of kids - and consequently keep looking around for a 5th child after counting the 4.
If any of them have a name that starts with the same letter - they will consistently be called by the wrong name, even when I am looking right at them.
There is always, always, someone too close to me. My body, my hands, my feet. Everything is constantly being touched.
The "I love yous" are plentiful.
Bed time is no longer a race of 15 minutes. It is a marathon. It is a different kind of tired. A more whole-body, fulfilling type of tired rather than the harried, brain hurting type of tired.
We make the cutest line of hand-holders anywhere we go where there is a parking lot.
2nd graders are awesome. They read. They do math. They are responsible. I can set all the kids on the couch a D will read to them, happily earning minutes towards her 60 minutes a week on her reading log.
Reading happens. Having a 2nd grader who has to have 60 minutes a week of reading recorded makes us read at night. Steven doesn't understand the benefits of reading books out loud - still - and it drives me crazy. But with the added requirement of the reading log makes it happen.
It's easier to take them out and do something on a Saturday than to keep them at the house entertained without going crazy about the mess that is happening.
I think I have 'a lot' of kids - and consequently keep looking around for a 5th child after counting the 4.
If any of them have a name that starts with the same letter - they will consistently be called by the wrong name, even when I am looking right at them.
There is always, always, someone too close to me. My body, my hands, my feet. Everything is constantly being touched.
The "I love yous" are plentiful.
Bed time is no longer a race of 15 minutes. It is a marathon. It is a different kind of tired. A more whole-body, fulfilling type of tired rather than the harried, brain hurting type of tired.
We make the cutest line of hand-holders anywhere we go where there is a parking lot.
2nd graders are awesome. They read. They do math. They are responsible. I can set all the kids on the couch a D will read to them, happily earning minutes towards her 60 minutes a week on her reading log.
Reading happens. Having a 2nd grader who has to have 60 minutes a week of reading recorded makes us read at night. Steven doesn't understand the benefits of reading books out loud - still - and it drives me crazy. But with the added requirement of the reading log makes it happen.
4 Weeks Measured by the Lice
It's been 4 weeks. Our 'weekend emergency placement' that has lasted 4 weeks. And I know it has been 4 weeks because I can keep track by the amount of times that I have treated for lice. 3.5 times. I say a half because I washed all the sheets, all the bedding, put all the stuffed animals into a sealed garbage bag but ran out of steam by the end of the day to do the hair treatment. I just couldn't do another 2 hours of combing through hair that night. And found it lost priority the next day and the next. I am just pooped of the whole situation.
I did some research instead and found that maybe this whole lice thing is an urban legend. A myth. Not that they are fake, but that you don't need to vacuum and do linens and all the other house cleaning that distracts from the real problem - the head. Which is the part that I lost steam for. Ooooops.
Apparently, from what I can gather, is lice like your head. Not like fleas that bounce all over the place. But lice love head blood and warmth. So there is no reason for them to leave the head unless they are dead or injured or literally need to just take a gander and walk across one person's head to another person's head during a hug or a secret or any other numerous things why 2nd grade girls would have their heads together.
If you make your head smell like something other than a head, the lice pack up their bags and leave. Thinking that there is no food around. I got my hands on some tea tree mint shampoo which is rumored to be something that lice do not like. They'll starve themselves or go find someone else to infest.
They can only live without eating for 24 hours. And the reason that they come back and back again after a treatment is the stragglers. The lice shampoo does kills eggs, but only the eggs that have started to hatch. Not the just laid ones. That are so super tiny. Tinier than what can be seen without a magnifying glass. Those are the ones that hatch later and do a re-infestation. It's a wreck. But made me feel confident that they are not just hanging out on pillows or sheets, waiting for their dinner. That's too much of chance to take when you could be dead within 24 hours of no food. While it's a good idea, it's better to treat the head than it is to drive yourself crazy doing loads of laundry and vacuuming couches and chairs. Which is a good idea to gather up any loose hairs that might have an egg attached to it, but it isn't going to be where you are going to find the lice.
Which brings me to my last little bit of advice to myself that we will see if I have the energy to take. The hard core stuff that you get from the store can only be used on the head every 7-10 days due to being so rough on the hair and the skin of the scalp. So the next idea is to do the mayonnaise thing. That suffocates them. Every three days to catch the stragglers. My feet hurt at the thought of standing over another head for another hour, combing out hair.
I did some research instead and found that maybe this whole lice thing is an urban legend. A myth. Not that they are fake, but that you don't need to vacuum and do linens and all the other house cleaning that distracts from the real problem - the head. Which is the part that I lost steam for. Ooooops.
Apparently, from what I can gather, is lice like your head. Not like fleas that bounce all over the place. But lice love head blood and warmth. So there is no reason for them to leave the head unless they are dead or injured or literally need to just take a gander and walk across one person's head to another person's head during a hug or a secret or any other numerous things why 2nd grade girls would have their heads together.
If you make your head smell like something other than a head, the lice pack up their bags and leave. Thinking that there is no food around. I got my hands on some tea tree mint shampoo which is rumored to be something that lice do not like. They'll starve themselves or go find someone else to infest.
They can only live without eating for 24 hours. And the reason that they come back and back again after a treatment is the stragglers. The lice shampoo does kills eggs, but only the eggs that have started to hatch. Not the just laid ones. That are so super tiny. Tinier than what can be seen without a magnifying glass. Those are the ones that hatch later and do a re-infestation. It's a wreck. But made me feel confident that they are not just hanging out on pillows or sheets, waiting for their dinner. That's too much of chance to take when you could be dead within 24 hours of no food. While it's a good idea, it's better to treat the head than it is to drive yourself crazy doing loads of laundry and vacuuming couches and chairs. Which is a good idea to gather up any loose hairs that might have an egg attached to it, but it isn't going to be where you are going to find the lice.
Which brings me to my last little bit of advice to myself that we will see if I have the energy to take. The hard core stuff that you get from the store can only be used on the head every 7-10 days due to being so rough on the hair and the skin of the scalp. So the next idea is to do the mayonnaise thing. That suffocates them. Every three days to catch the stragglers. My feet hurt at the thought of standing over another head for another hour, combing out hair.
Hunted Animal
I got out of the shower after being harassed 3x "Mom, mom, mom! Why are you in the shower?" Can a lady not get a break around here?
I slinked out in my towel (as slinky as a pregnant lady can slink), hoping no one would notice. That the next door opened by tiny hands would be the bathroom door rather than my own bedroom door. No such luck. "I'm getting dressed!" halted the door at two inches instead of a full on exposure, but I was a hunted animal.
My promise of opening the door as soon as I was dressed appeased the situation and I did a hurried look for my Sunday dress and a slip. Opened the door as per promised. No one there. Combed out my hair, dabbed on some mascara, noticed my nose was shiny and poofed it with some powder. Not even taking the time to double-check on things like eyebrows or pores, I was out of the vanity area and into the bathroom where I knew I could find some hairspray.
My hair piled on top of my head in the mom-bun I have consistently been wearing for the past 4 weeks, I looked in the mirror and gave a little smile. Yes. My hair was piled as high as it is when I go to the gym. And today was Sunday. It was one of those days that called for all hair off my neck and away from my face.
Thursday, May 4, 2017
Week of a New Placement
We've had the girls a week and a half. It seems like so much longer. So many decisions have been made - so many things have changed - so many things have happened. I can't believe how much was packed into that first week. And this week has been as beautiful as a week as could be wanted. Things that just bring tears to my eyes they are so beautiful. Picture perfect with these girls that have had their picture ripped up and shredded by the poor decisions of their parents.
Quick Review:
Friday - called at 4:30 pm in need of a placement for two girls.
Saturday - spent the day at home getting to know them. Alaska is in love and has a new best friend. Also, combing through hair for lice took up about half of the day. Over the weekend I spent 9 hours combing through hair when it was all added up. My feet were swollen each time afterward and my back ached.
Sunday - Church and then went up to my parents' house for John's birthday dinner of steak. We had celebrated the week before (Easter) but he needed his special birthday dinner rather than Easter spread. Which I was grateful for. The girls did great - getting rowdy about the time they got tired. The volume in that house was huge.
Monday - D didn't want to go to school. She had been telling me all weekend she didn't want to. I called the school in a panic, explaining our situation and her not willing to get out of bed. The secretary had relief spread through her voice over the phone to me, expressing her concern for this little girl and how grateful she was that D was in a safe place and how they (her teacher and this secretary) had been so, so worried for her. Especially since she had missed all of the week before of school. Which I can only imagine. I am sure it was the school that had called the situation in - probably had been calling the situation in since D was in kindergarten. But it finally stuck. Because there are small consequences for what they call 'chronic neglect' - it takes a long, long time. And then for the call to be made that makes the difference and then to not have that child come to school all the next week. Yes. I bet the secretary was extremely worried. Turns out, the safety plan that the kids had been put in, had failed on Friday and that's why I had gotten the call. The safety plan that was supposed to be the best for them - better than ripping them out of their life that they knew and the potential to keep them out of a foster home - had busted. Grandma hadn't been able to get D to school all week and other things added up and that landed them in our care. We were 20 minutes late to school, but got there with braids in her hair and clean clothes. I literally dressed D while she was in bed - pulling her jammies off, slipping a shirt on - pulling her jeans on. She knew I was serious at this point and she worked herself out of bed for a bowl of dry cereal (her preference) and braids in her hair.
Also this day is the shelter hearing. This is the hearing that foster parents are often invited to - but it's usually a last minute call of, "Court is in a hour, will you be there?" It has to happen within 24 hours of the kids being placed - so they are usually in the afternoon. In our case, since placement was done on a Friday - shelter hearing was done on Monday. I waited until 11:30 without hearing from anyone from DHS. My patience was about shot. I packed up Talmage and E and headed down to the court house to check out the roster. They won't give any information out over the phone and even when I got there, I found I had to have a case number, which wasn't on any of my paperwork. Thank goodness someone from DHS was coming down the stairs the same time I was standing at the front desk flustered about not being able to figure out which case was ours and let me know the hearing would be at 3:00. Got a call from DHS at 1:30 - "Hey, shelter hearing is at 3. Will you be there?" Right. Because I would have had to find childcare within a hour and a half if I hadn't done this rodeo before. So dumb.
Thank goodness for an amazing mother-in-law who empowers me and is able to watch the kids. I had let her know that morning that I would need her to watch the kids, but didn't know the time and wouldn't know the time until later - but that it would be in the afternoon. I messaged her when I was back in the car after visiting the court house and letting the kids go up and down the huge stairs a couple of times. C was also going to be dropped off while I was at court, for dance. A houseful.
The hearing was horrendous. Not bad as in abuse, that so often first comes to mind, but bad as in neglect. My eyes welled up with tears thinking about the hard things these two girls have been through. And how sweet they still are. Neglect has a wide spectrum - none of it less or more than the other side of the spectrum - it's just super wide. And heartbreaking.
Tuesday - Steven had the day off. Another thing that just made everything add up just right. And I had my glucose test that day. We had arranged it this way so Steven could watch Talmage instead of me taking him to my 2.5 hour appointment with me - turns out, things just add up in just the right way. The girls had visit with mom that morning. Steven took them and reached out to mom and aunt and that was a good step for us.
Wednesday - Amani Center. This is a check-in center for sexual abuse. They used to have every kid who came into care go through this center, and then things got busy and it got put on the back burner and now they are trying to get more kids through here. The girls and their brother went because of their mother's connections to 'unsafe people' and the people that she allowed to be around the kids. A good precaution. And I still don't know the results of this - so I suppose we're all clear. No news is good news. This literally took all day. 9:30-12:30. D missed all day of school for it. Which would usually not be the case, except that there was a bomb threat at her school that day and school was released early. Blessings. I am not yet signed into the school alerts and would have missed the whole thing.
Thursday - this is the day it all went down. DHS had not found a place for all three siblings to go together yet. I am in love. These girls are the most precious and my heart keeps on getting love-taps. Breaking it open, slowly, slowly. I am tired of living in constant turbulence. Waiting for a call from DHS - "We found a home, we'll be by to pick the girls up in a hour." That is not planful at all. The whole week I had been planning for that phone call. The girls' things were still packed, Alaska was still out of her room. The house just felt like it was waiting impatiently for motion. I messaged DHS with my conclusion. I wanted all three kids placed together, and would hold onto the girls until that place could be found. And I wanted a week's notice. If they found a placement on Monday, I could have the girls prepared for a move on Friday. We were going to need a bunk bed.
Savannah was sick this day. She had been throwing up the night before and I kept her home. Talmage was also throwing up. I did more laundry this day than I have done in a long time. It worked out for the best, though, as there is a nurse who comes out to the homes within a week of placement and check on the kids. A general exam of weight and measurement and temperature. She wouldn't have been able to stop by if Savannah had been at school. The attorney had also scheduled a meeting for this day, after school. So many things to pack in.
The court has 60 days to make a follow-up appointment to the shelter hearing. And they always schedule it at the end of the session - so everyone can divy out their schedules. Things are so clogged right now that we ended up using the judge's lunch hour for the following Friday. That meant the kids' attorney needed to get on the hustle to meet the kids and prepare for court in a week.
Friday - I was subbing for my dad. It was a beautiful day again and after the school pick-ups, Tamera had taken the kids to the park. We stayed there for 4 hours, soaking up the sun and the warmth. It has been so incredibly rainy here - it's impossible to think of sunny days and shorts and flip-flops. We're still sloshing around in rain boots. And that was the end to a very crazy, very busy week. We did another lice shampoo ordeal, spent another back breaking amount of time going carefully through hair. Swollen feet. The whole bit. But like I said. This past week has been beautiful. Absolutely heart-tapping. I call them my 'love-taps' and they just add up faster and faster.
Saturday - Shopping day. Tamera helped me with all three girls. Her taking two of them while I did one. I didn't know their sizes and wanted to get them clothes that fit. Turns out - I kind of got the wrong sizes anyways - but they work.
Quick Review:
Friday - called at 4:30 pm in need of a placement for two girls.
Saturday - spent the day at home getting to know them. Alaska is in love and has a new best friend. Also, combing through hair for lice took up about half of the day. Over the weekend I spent 9 hours combing through hair when it was all added up. My feet were swollen each time afterward and my back ached.
Sunday - Church and then went up to my parents' house for John's birthday dinner of steak. We had celebrated the week before (Easter) but he needed his special birthday dinner rather than Easter spread. Which I was grateful for. The girls did great - getting rowdy about the time they got tired. The volume in that house was huge.
Monday - D didn't want to go to school. She had been telling me all weekend she didn't want to. I called the school in a panic, explaining our situation and her not willing to get out of bed. The secretary had relief spread through her voice over the phone to me, expressing her concern for this little girl and how grateful she was that D was in a safe place and how they (her teacher and this secretary) had been so, so worried for her. Especially since she had missed all of the week before of school. Which I can only imagine. I am sure it was the school that had called the situation in - probably had been calling the situation in since D was in kindergarten. But it finally stuck. Because there are small consequences for what they call 'chronic neglect' - it takes a long, long time. And then for the call to be made that makes the difference and then to not have that child come to school all the next week. Yes. I bet the secretary was extremely worried. Turns out, the safety plan that the kids had been put in, had failed on Friday and that's why I had gotten the call. The safety plan that was supposed to be the best for them - better than ripping them out of their life that they knew and the potential to keep them out of a foster home - had busted. Grandma hadn't been able to get D to school all week and other things added up and that landed them in our care. We were 20 minutes late to school, but got there with braids in her hair and clean clothes. I literally dressed D while she was in bed - pulling her jammies off, slipping a shirt on - pulling her jeans on. She knew I was serious at this point and she worked herself out of bed for a bowl of dry cereal (her preference) and braids in her hair.
Also this day is the shelter hearing. This is the hearing that foster parents are often invited to - but it's usually a last minute call of, "Court is in a hour, will you be there?" It has to happen within 24 hours of the kids being placed - so they are usually in the afternoon. In our case, since placement was done on a Friday - shelter hearing was done on Monday. I waited until 11:30 without hearing from anyone from DHS. My patience was about shot. I packed up Talmage and E and headed down to the court house to check out the roster. They won't give any information out over the phone and even when I got there, I found I had to have a case number, which wasn't on any of my paperwork. Thank goodness someone from DHS was coming down the stairs the same time I was standing at the front desk flustered about not being able to figure out which case was ours and let me know the hearing would be at 3:00. Got a call from DHS at 1:30 - "Hey, shelter hearing is at 3. Will you be there?" Right. Because I would have had to find childcare within a hour and a half if I hadn't done this rodeo before. So dumb.
Thank goodness for an amazing mother-in-law who empowers me and is able to watch the kids. I had let her know that morning that I would need her to watch the kids, but didn't know the time and wouldn't know the time until later - but that it would be in the afternoon. I messaged her when I was back in the car after visiting the court house and letting the kids go up and down the huge stairs a couple of times. C was also going to be dropped off while I was at court, for dance. A houseful.
The hearing was horrendous. Not bad as in abuse, that so often first comes to mind, but bad as in neglect. My eyes welled up with tears thinking about the hard things these two girls have been through. And how sweet they still are. Neglect has a wide spectrum - none of it less or more than the other side of the spectrum - it's just super wide. And heartbreaking.
Tuesday - Steven had the day off. Another thing that just made everything add up just right. And I had my glucose test that day. We had arranged it this way so Steven could watch Talmage instead of me taking him to my 2.5 hour appointment with me - turns out, things just add up in just the right way. The girls had visit with mom that morning. Steven took them and reached out to mom and aunt and that was a good step for us.
Wednesday - Amani Center. This is a check-in center for sexual abuse. They used to have every kid who came into care go through this center, and then things got busy and it got put on the back burner and now they are trying to get more kids through here. The girls and their brother went because of their mother's connections to 'unsafe people' and the people that she allowed to be around the kids. A good precaution. And I still don't know the results of this - so I suppose we're all clear. No news is good news. This literally took all day. 9:30-12:30. D missed all day of school for it. Which would usually not be the case, except that there was a bomb threat at her school that day and school was released early. Blessings. I am not yet signed into the school alerts and would have missed the whole thing.
Thursday - this is the day it all went down. DHS had not found a place for all three siblings to go together yet. I am in love. These girls are the most precious and my heart keeps on getting love-taps. Breaking it open, slowly, slowly. I am tired of living in constant turbulence. Waiting for a call from DHS - "We found a home, we'll be by to pick the girls up in a hour." That is not planful at all. The whole week I had been planning for that phone call. The girls' things were still packed, Alaska was still out of her room. The house just felt like it was waiting impatiently for motion. I messaged DHS with my conclusion. I wanted all three kids placed together, and would hold onto the girls until that place could be found. And I wanted a week's notice. If they found a placement on Monday, I could have the girls prepared for a move on Friday. We were going to need a bunk bed.
Savannah was sick this day. She had been throwing up the night before and I kept her home. Talmage was also throwing up. I did more laundry this day than I have done in a long time. It worked out for the best, though, as there is a nurse who comes out to the homes within a week of placement and check on the kids. A general exam of weight and measurement and temperature. She wouldn't have been able to stop by if Savannah had been at school. The attorney had also scheduled a meeting for this day, after school. So many things to pack in.
The court has 60 days to make a follow-up appointment to the shelter hearing. And they always schedule it at the end of the session - so everyone can divy out their schedules. Things are so clogged right now that we ended up using the judge's lunch hour for the following Friday. That meant the kids' attorney needed to get on the hustle to meet the kids and prepare for court in a week.
Friday - I was subbing for my dad. It was a beautiful day again and after the school pick-ups, Tamera had taken the kids to the park. We stayed there for 4 hours, soaking up the sun and the warmth. It has been so incredibly rainy here - it's impossible to think of sunny days and shorts and flip-flops. We're still sloshing around in rain boots. And that was the end to a very crazy, very busy week. We did another lice shampoo ordeal, spent another back breaking amount of time going carefully through hair. Swollen feet. The whole bit. But like I said. This past week has been beautiful. Absolutely heart-tapping. I call them my 'love-taps' and they just add up faster and faster.
Saturday - Shopping day. Tamera helped me with all three girls. Her taking two of them while I did one. I didn't know their sizes and wanted to get them clothes that fit. Turns out - I kind of got the wrong sizes anyways - but they work.
Wednesday, May 3, 2017
Emergency Placement
Not even a week later we got a call from 'unknown caller'. This is DHS. Friday at 4:30. DHS was closing in 30 minutes and they had a sibling set that needed placed for the weekend. Until they could find a longterm placement for them on Monday, or Tuesday - or as it turns out - more like Wednesday or Thursday.
It is amazing to me how things add up. How timing is just right. I know that is God's hand. If there was anything that He is more aware of, it is these foster children. And I know, there are horror stories. I know that. But for each horror story I could tell you a story about the things that just add up beautifully. That happen just right and no one else could have planned the circumstances and coincidences better. And not just ones from blog posts. But real ones. Real ones that I have seen and know of with my own two eyes and ears.
The pieces that have added up for this case just right were 1) C was all moved in with Kellie 2) I hadn't had a substitute job all week except for Friday 3) The house was actually clean (this one is kind of a big deal. Living in a two-bedroom apartment, it doesn't take a whole lot to clean it good. It does however, take a good deal of effort to keep it clean. So I often let it get really, super bad, before spending a day working on it. It's just annoying how one bucket of toys can clutter the place up. One day of bringing mail in clutters the place up. One meal clutters the place up. So I just let it set for a few days to keep myself from going crazy. Marinating the clutter, as it were. And often when I clean, as of recent, I can only get to the living room or only the bedroom or only the bathroom. I can't do it all in one day like I used to be able to. But you know what? That week without my schedule being filled with working, I had the energy to do it all. My room included. Which never happens. 4) The day had been pleasant with the kids at school (subbing for my dad) and the weather was nice. Alaska and Talmage and I were even outside at the park in our apartment complex, playing with some other kids from the complex and I had my current book out there, reading off and on between watching the kids and we had already eaten a big snacky dinner after school. Life was pretty dang good. Things were calm.
My phone rang, "Unknown caller" and I answered. a 2 year old boy, a 5 year old girl and a 7 year old girl. I explained that we only had room for the 2 year old boy. Literally. Our bed management left us with a portacrib open. I had already moved Talmage into C's place - not even bothering to wash the sheets first. "Oh, well we were hoping you could take the girls. We've already found a place for the boy and that home can only take one of them" They dropped the name of the mom that had already said yes and I knew her. I knew she only had room for the one. I replied that no, I didn't have bed space. I could possibly take one of the girls. Move Talmage back to his portacrib. "You couldn't keep them together? They have been through a lot and could really use each other." And my mind just spun. Almost coming up empty. "Well, we could blow up an air mattress, I guess," I heard myself saying. And bam. I was placed with two girls.
I hustled Alaska and Talmage off the playground with a quick explanation that we were going to have two new friends coming to spend the weekend and we needed to get to the store real quick to pick up some lice shampoo (yup, they were coming with lice) and a treat for them. Alaska was excited, she was ready. Talmage came along for the ride but picked up on the excitement when I let him and Alaska pick out whatever treat they wanted. They both chose bubbleiscious. We walked out of there $50 later, a double lice kit in hand, three coloring books, a bag of suckers (because it's really boring to have to sit in the tub while that lice stuff sits on your head) and 4 containers of bubbleiscious. Quick-drove home to do some switching of bed sheets and we were ready. The calm before the storm. I was pacing, waiting for them. Finally ahead of the game. Ready for it. So unlike our experience with C where we were up until midnight getting things ready while the kids entertained themselves.
And you know what?!?!?! We still stayed up until 12! I used the suckers to bribe the two girls into the tub, because, really, they wanted to run around and explore and there was no way I was having that. Around 9 things were just too crazy. Steven put Alaska and Talmage to bed and that left us up with the job of setting up a movie for the two girls while I poured over their heads in the cruddy light that is our apartment late at night. Steven shone a flashlight on their heads while I pulled through their hair. 3 hours of pregnant, swollen feet and a sore back standing bent over or kneeling on my knees. I was so done and ready for bed. Good enough for one night. The star that hung in the darkness of my tiredness was the 7 year old. "I'm sorry we came to your house with lice." Melted my heart. And the 5 year old, "Are you going to be our new momma?" I had to explain that, no, they would just stay here a little while and then go to a new family. That hurt. That hurt bad. But I just don't have it in me. I cannot do two girls and a pregnancy in this tiny house where each cm my belly gets bigger this apartment gets 10 ft smaller. And I just don't have the energy, besides that. And after my speal, the 7 year old "Well, if we stay here too long, then you'll be like our aunt." And I smiled. And yes. These two sweeties have already climbed into my heart and nestled up in there and I would love to be their aunt. Doing respite for their new placement - having them over when I could to play with Alaska.
Into bed everyone went, 12 am, I read them asleep. The next morning they were up at 6:30. Too early. Got them breakfast. Stripped beds and got things going through the wash. Did another bath for the two of them and pulled through hair again. 2 hours on each head. This process repeated itself on Sunday, too, though thank goodness everyone stayed in bed until 8. It was ward conference that week and my mom came out early to help me to get the kids ready. Thank goodness for her or I never would have made it to church on time. Lice hunting always takes longer than I think it will.
It is amazing to me how things add up. How timing is just right. I know that is God's hand. If there was anything that He is more aware of, it is these foster children. And I know, there are horror stories. I know that. But for each horror story I could tell you a story about the things that just add up beautifully. That happen just right and no one else could have planned the circumstances and coincidences better. And not just ones from blog posts. But real ones. Real ones that I have seen and know of with my own two eyes and ears.
The pieces that have added up for this case just right were 1) C was all moved in with Kellie 2) I hadn't had a substitute job all week except for Friday 3) The house was actually clean (this one is kind of a big deal. Living in a two-bedroom apartment, it doesn't take a whole lot to clean it good. It does however, take a good deal of effort to keep it clean. So I often let it get really, super bad, before spending a day working on it. It's just annoying how one bucket of toys can clutter the place up. One day of bringing mail in clutters the place up. One meal clutters the place up. So I just let it set for a few days to keep myself from going crazy. Marinating the clutter, as it were. And often when I clean, as of recent, I can only get to the living room or only the bedroom or only the bathroom. I can't do it all in one day like I used to be able to. But you know what? That week without my schedule being filled with working, I had the energy to do it all. My room included. Which never happens. 4) The day had been pleasant with the kids at school (subbing for my dad) and the weather was nice. Alaska and Talmage and I were even outside at the park in our apartment complex, playing with some other kids from the complex and I had my current book out there, reading off and on between watching the kids and we had already eaten a big snacky dinner after school. Life was pretty dang good. Things were calm.
My phone rang, "Unknown caller" and I answered. a 2 year old boy, a 5 year old girl and a 7 year old girl. I explained that we only had room for the 2 year old boy. Literally. Our bed management left us with a portacrib open. I had already moved Talmage into C's place - not even bothering to wash the sheets first. "Oh, well we were hoping you could take the girls. We've already found a place for the boy and that home can only take one of them" They dropped the name of the mom that had already said yes and I knew her. I knew she only had room for the one. I replied that no, I didn't have bed space. I could possibly take one of the girls. Move Talmage back to his portacrib. "You couldn't keep them together? They have been through a lot and could really use each other." And my mind just spun. Almost coming up empty. "Well, we could blow up an air mattress, I guess," I heard myself saying. And bam. I was placed with two girls.
I hustled Alaska and Talmage off the playground with a quick explanation that we were going to have two new friends coming to spend the weekend and we needed to get to the store real quick to pick up some lice shampoo (yup, they were coming with lice) and a treat for them. Alaska was excited, she was ready. Talmage came along for the ride but picked up on the excitement when I let him and Alaska pick out whatever treat they wanted. They both chose bubbleiscious. We walked out of there $50 later, a double lice kit in hand, three coloring books, a bag of suckers (because it's really boring to have to sit in the tub while that lice stuff sits on your head) and 4 containers of bubbleiscious. Quick-drove home to do some switching of bed sheets and we were ready. The calm before the storm. I was pacing, waiting for them. Finally ahead of the game. Ready for it. So unlike our experience with C where we were up until midnight getting things ready while the kids entertained themselves.
And you know what?!?!?! We still stayed up until 12! I used the suckers to bribe the two girls into the tub, because, really, they wanted to run around and explore and there was no way I was having that. Around 9 things were just too crazy. Steven put Alaska and Talmage to bed and that left us up with the job of setting up a movie for the two girls while I poured over their heads in the cruddy light that is our apartment late at night. Steven shone a flashlight on their heads while I pulled through their hair. 3 hours of pregnant, swollen feet and a sore back standing bent over or kneeling on my knees. I was so done and ready for bed. Good enough for one night. The star that hung in the darkness of my tiredness was the 7 year old. "I'm sorry we came to your house with lice." Melted my heart. And the 5 year old, "Are you going to be our new momma?" I had to explain that, no, they would just stay here a little while and then go to a new family. That hurt. That hurt bad. But I just don't have it in me. I cannot do two girls and a pregnancy in this tiny house where each cm my belly gets bigger this apartment gets 10 ft smaller. And I just don't have the energy, besides that. And after my speal, the 7 year old "Well, if we stay here too long, then you'll be like our aunt." And I smiled. And yes. These two sweeties have already climbed into my heart and nestled up in there and I would love to be their aunt. Doing respite for their new placement - having them over when I could to play with Alaska.
Into bed everyone went, 12 am, I read them asleep. The next morning they were up at 6:30. Too early. Got them breakfast. Stripped beds and got things going through the wash. Did another bath for the two of them and pulled through hair again. 2 hours on each head. This process repeated itself on Sunday, too, though thank goodness everyone stayed in bed until 8. It was ward conference that week and my mom came out early to help me to get the kids ready. Thank goodness for her or I never would have made it to church on time. Lice hunting always takes longer than I think it will.
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