Friday, October 18, 2013

Counseling for the First Time

I had my first counseling appointment.  And it was fantastic.  Highly recommend counseling for anyone and everyone who is interested in themselves and how they tick.  Even if there's nothing wrong, doesn't hurt to find out more about yourself.  We're talking peace here people!  $22 bucks a pop and I am all over that like sugar on candy.

I would most definitely suggest taking a list with you, though.  A list of questions/concerns you have about yourself.  That way when the poor counselor looks at you and asks, "What seems to be the trouble?"  You don't just look down at your hands and think quietly to yourself, "Well, I am a little broken.  Can't you see?"  You look them square in the eye and you say, "I am feeling really stressed out.  And it started when..."  And you relive your stressful story and you cry a little because it's a little tender piece of you that you've kept inside and protected for so long.  Carrying on with a bright smile and falling apart behind closed doors.  And then she says, "I understand.  That is quite the burden."  And you start to cry again, because you never thought someone would agree with you.  That yes, it is hard, but I am girl of resilience and I was going to keep pushing on.  But she says, "I am so glad you came.  Let's figure this out together."  And you learn stuff about yourself that you never considered, even though, deep down, you probably knew it.  It just took a second voice and a little set-apart time to allow myself to think about it.  And then my idea of how I thought everything should be was popped.  And relieving tears came when I was allowed to not be so hard on myself.  When her gentle words said, "That is hard.  Don't make is so hard.  Try this instead."  And I did.  And it's fine, but more problems have bubbled up where the ugly head of a problem had been biting.  And I have them written down for my next session.  And I wonder if this cleansing process is going to be solved in a series of four sessions or if I am always going to be finding more questions about myself.  And maybe I will need a standing monthly appointment to get myself sorted and figured out enough to do the things that I love.
I feel like it's a deep cleansing.  How, maybe, if I scrape away enough layers, I can take away that semester of 21 credits where I got straight As with one C.  Ridiculous teacher that nearly gave me a heart-attack every time I went to class because of her high energy.  Maybe I can peel back all those boyfriends.  Scrape off that year and a half where I was working 30 hours a week and trying to balance 18 credits while living the college life.  Sand away until I am left with me.  Writing the way I love.  Reading books.  Scrap booking.  Helping.  Loving with all I have.  That girl is somewhere inside me and I want her back.  I am taking her back.  Maybe it will take 4 sessions of counseling to heal my broken and pinned wings, maybe a few more to strengthen the muscles to fly.  I am ready, with my list, of things that need to be polished to leave me strong.

Wednesday, October 2, 2013

Our Saturday Weekend

Handsome Husband does not often get a Saturday off.  We have had three Saturdays off since we moved here in March.  It is now October.  But when he does get Saturday off, the nice guys at Les Schwab make sure he gets a Monday off, as well, and all of a sudden we have a three days weekend!  Which requires doing something 'big' and 'awesome'.

This three day weekend we took a trip to Seattle.  I was assigned to teach young womens that Sunday and since it was the last lesson of the month I didn't feel like I could ask someone to trade me and have to take a rain check for it.  Our three day vacation turned into a two day vacation with a little weekend snuck in there.

Saturday brought the sauerkraut festival and a stake temple day.  I HAD to go to the sauerkraut festival and I knew that Handsome Husband and I should be making that trip to the temple.  And not just a trip, but the trip that would put us there in the chapel to hear the special words that were intended for our stake at the appointed time.  It was an emotional thing for me, as last-minute plans and changing plans have become something really hard for me to handle, but it was arranged for us to be there.

Generally, we don't take pen and paper in with us, but I felt if I were to be somewhere hearing a few messages I should take special note of them.  I also took the time to make special note of the feelings I had felt and the things I had thought.

1) The temple will bless our families.  Not just by being sealed for all eternity, but as we serve in the temple, our families and dear ones will be blessed.  The angels will be near to raise them up and guard them.

2) Why are we taught from such a young age to look towards the temple?  Why is it such a pulling force?  Because the Lord has chosen someone to work in His place and be His mouthpiece.  The gospel has been restored.  This is the essence.  To do the work of eternity.

We had stopped by the sauerkraut festival on the way into Portland and had taken the time to look around.  I do love a good festival and the sauerkraut bratworst was the best ever!  Next year I may be brave enough to try the sauerkraut icecream, but not this time.  Alaska rode in her stroller, pointing out each dog we passed and saying, "dog, dog, dog, dog..." until we replied, "Yes, that is a dog."

Saturday night I prepared my lesson, which was a new step for me.  I am more of the, 'prepare a lesson the morning of' kind of girl.  This whole being 25 years old thing is really working out for me.  Making me quite the responsible person.  I love teaching the young women.  I just love, love it.  And instead of being nervous, I get excited.  I love them so much and it makes it easy to teach.

Sunday we packed our bags in a hurry, stuffed everything in the car around the jogging stroller and pack 'n' play and set off for Seattle.