Counseling for the First Time

I had my first counseling appointment.  And it was fantastic.  Highly recommend counseling for anyone and everyone who is interested in themselves and how they tick.  Even if there's nothing wrong, doesn't hurt to find out more about yourself.  We're talking peace here people!  $22 bucks a pop and I am all over that like sugar on candy.

I would most definitely suggest taking a list with you, though.  A list of questions/concerns you have about yourself.  That way when the poor counselor looks at you and asks, "What seems to be the trouble?"  You don't just look down at your hands and think quietly to yourself, "Well, I am a little broken.  Can't you see?"  You look them square in the eye and you say, "I am feeling really stressed out.  And it started when..."  And you relive your stressful story and you cry a little because it's a little tender piece of you that you've kept inside and protected for so long.  Carrying on with a bright smile and falling apart behind closed doors.  And then she says, "I understand.  That is quite the burden."  And you start to cry again, because you never thought someone would agree with you.  That yes, it is hard, but I am girl of resilience and I was going to keep pushing on.  But she says, "I am so glad you came.  Let's figure this out together."  And you learn stuff about yourself that you never considered, even though, deep down, you probably knew it.  It just took a second voice and a little set-apart time to allow myself to think about it.  And then my idea of how I thought everything should be was popped.  And relieving tears came when I was allowed to not be so hard on myself.  When her gentle words said, "That is hard.  Don't make is so hard.  Try this instead."  And I did.  And it's fine, but more problems have bubbled up where the ugly head of a problem had been biting.  And I have them written down for my next session.  And I wonder if this cleansing process is going to be solved in a series of four sessions or if I am always going to be finding more questions about myself.  And maybe I will need a standing monthly appointment to get myself sorted and figured out enough to do the things that I love.
I feel like it's a deep cleansing.  How, maybe, if I scrape away enough layers, I can take away that semester of 21 credits where I got straight As with one C.  Ridiculous teacher that nearly gave me a heart-attack every time I went to class because of her high energy.  Maybe I can peel back all those boyfriends.  Scrape off that year and a half where I was working 30 hours a week and trying to balance 18 credits while living the college life.  Sand away until I am left with me.  Writing the way I love.  Reading books.  Scrap booking.  Helping.  Loving with all I have.  That girl is somewhere inside me and I want her back.  I am taking her back.  Maybe it will take 4 sessions of counseling to heal my broken and pinned wings, maybe a few more to strengthen the muscles to fly.  I am ready, with my list, of things that need to be polished to leave me strong.