Saturday, April 28, 2012
Just a Few Remember When's from this Week
Remember when we used to talk using only smiles. We would sit in the big red chair together, my legs propped up over the right arm rest as you relaxed against them. You were better at smiling when you didn't have to concentrate so hard on balancing your head. I would say something and you would smile. I would say something and you would smile bigger. I would say something and you would smile so big your eyes would squint. I would say something and you would smile real big and blink your squinting eyes at the same time and we would start over at the first smile.
Remember when your Grandma Mary went in to give you a kiss on the cheek while you were looking away. The movement caused you to turn your head and instead of her giving you a puckery kissy kiss on your soft, dry cheek, you gave her a slobbery mouth kiss on the lips.
Remember when it was late at night and I was trying to put you down after 5 oz of formula. I had cuddled you and rocked you and held your binkie in for the required 22 minutes and was setting you down on your pink sheet when your little eyes popped open. You looked up at me even before my arms were out from under you and we both knew. Silent communication told me that you weren't going to sleep until I had held you just a little bit longer. You smiled in the soft glow of the hall light that tip-toed into your room at night and closed your eyes as I lifted you again into my arms. Eyes closed or not, you weren't going to be putting yourself to sleep that night.
Remember when you had your first encounter with dandelion wishes. They have always reminded me of you, even before you were born, and they were the theme in your room. I thought it would be cute to have you hold one, you thought it would be tasty to eat. It was quite the surprise when you went to put it in your mouth and instead of being solid it was airy and tickley, going straight up your nose.
Tuesday, April 17, 2012
3 Months with Alaska
Favorite Things:
Special Talent: Talking up a storm and sucking your breath in when you're happy. Sometimes you suck it in too fast and too hard and cough up a lung.
Favorite Pastime: Visiting people. You love the attention of grandmas telling you that you are the cutest baby they have ever seen and other mommies commenting on how alert you are.
Sleep: The never-ending battle. You go to bed at 8 and get up to eat at 11:30 almost exactly on the dot every night. We have a mini formula-party around 2:30 or 3 and then you wake up with Daddy at 5:30 or 6.
Crying: It seems as if you are more particular these days and while you don't cry a whole lot, you huff and puff if you're being held the wrong way or need some attention.
Dislikes: The Car Seat. Whether it tilts you back just enough so you're not sitting up straight like you love or it's because you can't see everything that's going on we cannot put you in there without a complaint.
Likes: Sitting in your bouncy chair. You watch me put my makeup on and do my hair in the morning and later in the evening you watch as I make dinner.
My Favorite Part: When you are through eating and ready for a nap I tilt you up on my shoulder to burp you and you nuzzle in, ready for a long stay.
Special Talent: Talking up a storm and sucking your breath in when you're happy. Sometimes you suck it in too fast and too hard and cough up a lung.
Favorite Pastime: Visiting people. You love the attention of grandmas telling you that you are the cutest baby they have ever seen and other mommies commenting on how alert you are.
Sleep: The never-ending battle. You go to bed at 8 and get up to eat at 11:30 almost exactly on the dot every night. We have a mini formula-party around 2:30 or 3 and then you wake up with Daddy at 5:30 or 6.
Crying: It seems as if you are more particular these days and while you don't cry a whole lot, you huff and puff if you're being held the wrong way or need some attention.
Dislikes: The Car Seat. Whether it tilts you back just enough so you're not sitting up straight like you love or it's because you can't see everything that's going on we cannot put you in there without a complaint.
Likes: Sitting in your bouncy chair. You watch me put my makeup on and do my hair in the morning and later in the evening you watch as I make dinner.
My Favorite Part: When you are through eating and ready for a nap I tilt you up on my shoulder to burp you and you nuzzle in, ready for a long stay.
Wednesday, April 11, 2012
Left-Over Whatever
I was looking in the fridge the other day and realized we had a few things that were going to be going bad within the next few days and I was at a loss as to what to do with them before they ended their neglected lives on the curb contributing to landfill overflow.
Cucumbers, bell peppers, left-over chicken from a few days ago, bacon bits, scrambled eggs from breakfast, cheese. Do you see what I see? Especially with the cheese? Yes, you're right. Pizza. Toss whatever is in your fridge onto a bread crust and throw some cheese on it and call it pizza.
I have found the word 'pizza' to be comparable to beer goggles and rose colored glasses. Just as the goggles and glasses make something perhaps less than desirable become the apple of one's eye, wrap the title pizza around an absolutely bizarre combination and it is suddenly acceptable. As was proven last night when Steven looked at what came out of the oven and said, "It actually looks alright."
Cucumbers, bell peppers, left-over chicken from a few days ago, bacon bits, scrambled eggs from breakfast, cheese. Do you see what I see? Especially with the cheese? Yes, you're right. Pizza. Toss whatever is in your fridge onto a bread crust and throw some cheese on it and call it pizza.
I have found the word 'pizza' to be comparable to beer goggles and rose colored glasses. Just as the goggles and glasses make something perhaps less than desirable become the apple of one's eye, wrap the title pizza around an absolutely bizarre combination and it is suddenly acceptable. As was proven last night when Steven looked at what came out of the oven and said, "It actually looks alright."
Tuesday, April 10, 2012
Where's Your Smile?
It's contagious. Any smile of a baby causes a physical reaction of the face of another and it breaks into a grin.
Alaska has been smiling for awhile now but it's gotten to the point where I am pretty sure she recognizes the sentence, "Where's your smiles?" It's a theory that we've tested. Sure, she'll smile if we say something different in the same tone. But only us. Anyone else has to say, "Where's your smiles?" And they don't have to have the inflection perfect, either. It's rewarding for those who have their premonitions about babies and are a little unsure about what to do.
I always sweet-talk her when setting her in the carseat, exclaiming how exciting it is to go on a trip and what a good baby she is and then as the straps snap closed over her shoulders she realizes what's going on and she starts to get worried. It is the funniest thing to watch her emotions play tug-o-war on her face between her mouth and eyes. Still sweet-talking her I ask her where her smiles are and her mouth pulls into a smile, instantly wanting to frown and open into a wail. Her eyes give me a bizarre look, as if she can't control the bottom half of her face and she pulls from frown to smile as long as I am asking her where her smile is. Eventually I have to stop to take her out the car and the fussing begins but those few moments beforehand crack me up every time.
She is the finickiest little thing about being in that carseat and it's torture for all in the car when she's buckled in. On our trip back from Rexburg this weekend I sat in the back with her until she exhausted the hope of me getting her out and fell asleep. At first it was fun to have someone in the back with her. She was all smiles and giggles until she realized that I was making her smile and giggle on purpose and then she began her own sweet-talking, trying to get me to let her out. Her little mouth opened in an 'o' and her eyes all serious as she cooed to me. When that didn't work the big guns came out and she became more vocal. It was a loud half hour before she settled in for the long haul.
Alaska has been smiling for awhile now but it's gotten to the point where I am pretty sure she recognizes the sentence, "Where's your smiles?" It's a theory that we've tested. Sure, she'll smile if we say something different in the same tone. But only us. Anyone else has to say, "Where's your smiles?" And they don't have to have the inflection perfect, either. It's rewarding for those who have their premonitions about babies and are a little unsure about what to do.
I always sweet-talk her when setting her in the carseat, exclaiming how exciting it is to go on a trip and what a good baby she is and then as the straps snap closed over her shoulders she realizes what's going on and she starts to get worried. It is the funniest thing to watch her emotions play tug-o-war on her face between her mouth and eyes. Still sweet-talking her I ask her where her smiles are and her mouth pulls into a smile, instantly wanting to frown and open into a wail. Her eyes give me a bizarre look, as if she can't control the bottom half of her face and she pulls from frown to smile as long as I am asking her where her smile is. Eventually I have to stop to take her out the car and the fussing begins but those few moments beforehand crack me up every time.
She is the finickiest little thing about being in that carseat and it's torture for all in the car when she's buckled in. On our trip back from Rexburg this weekend I sat in the back with her until she exhausted the hope of me getting her out and fell asleep. At first it was fun to have someone in the back with her. She was all smiles and giggles until she realized that I was making her smile and giggle on purpose and then she began her own sweet-talking, trying to get me to let her out. Her little mouth opened in an 'o' and her eyes all serious as she cooed to me. When that didn't work the big guns came out and she became more vocal. It was a loud half hour before she settled in for the long haul.
Friday, April 6, 2012
Remember When
It happened on accident. I have been searching all over for dandelion things to put in Alaska's room and while I was out wandering while waiting for pictures to be developed I found a photo album with a dandelion on it.
I snatched it up as if someone were right behind me, eyeing the same thing. I didn't even think about how much I love scrapbooking and how there would never be any pictures to put in it because they would all be scrapped with journaling beside them in a larger 12x12 book. If this were a perfect world where I could spend time doing that again. Really that's a lame excuse. You can always make room in your life for something that you love to do. You should anyways. It's healthy.
My mind started whirling as to what I could use this cute little book for. More than decoration because let's face it, the best decorations are the ones that are useful as well. And then I was inspired. My cousin has this cute little quirky way of posting pictures to facebook. She starts every photo album title with 'Remember When'. Even if it was just that weekend, 'Remember When we went to Prom', and then sometimes things that I am sure have been on her camera for awhile, 'Remember When we won the state tournament?'
Needless to say, I was inspired. Alaska's dandelion book with hold all of her 'Remember Whens'. All of the things that we don't have pictures of but we want to remember.
"Remember when we went on a walk and came back home and did core in the living room. You loved me being down on the floor with you and thought my crunches were funny. You did your leg lifts beside me and when I flipped on my stomach to do a minute of 'super mans' I flipped you on your tummy to do head lifts." Love, Momma
And that's just one. I am sure I've got a handful that I could already write down and I hope that her family can help me with the 'Remember Whens' by writing their own that we can add into the book. I think it would be so precious to have all different handwritings and memories compiled into a book for her when she wonders what she was like as a baby and what people thought of her.
I snatched it up as if someone were right behind me, eyeing the same thing. I didn't even think about how much I love scrapbooking and how there would never be any pictures to put in it because they would all be scrapped with journaling beside them in a larger 12x12 book. If this were a perfect world where I could spend time doing that again. Really that's a lame excuse. You can always make room in your life for something that you love to do. You should anyways. It's healthy.
My mind started whirling as to what I could use this cute little book for. More than decoration because let's face it, the best decorations are the ones that are useful as well. And then I was inspired. My cousin has this cute little quirky way of posting pictures to facebook. She starts every photo album title with 'Remember When'. Even if it was just that weekend, 'Remember When we went to Prom', and then sometimes things that I am sure have been on her camera for awhile, 'Remember When we won the state tournament?'
Needless to say, I was inspired. Alaska's dandelion book with hold all of her 'Remember Whens'. All of the things that we don't have pictures of but we want to remember.
"Remember when we went on a walk and came back home and did core in the living room. You loved me being down on the floor with you and thought my crunches were funny. You did your leg lifts beside me and when I flipped on my stomach to do a minute of 'super mans' I flipped you on your tummy to do head lifts." Love, Momma
And that's just one. I am sure I've got a handful that I could already write down and I hope that her family can help me with the 'Remember Whens' by writing their own that we can add into the book. I think it would be so precious to have all different handwritings and memories compiled into a book for her when she wonders what she was like as a baby and what people thought of her.
Thursday, April 5, 2012
For the Most Part
For the most part Alaska is pleasant to be around. Gummy smiles with her tongue all poking out, squinty Chinese eyes to make room for all the happiness that fills her round cheeks and enough energy to astonish any caffeine consuming college student.
But sometimes it's more than I can take. I try to remember that every time she gets up from a nap her world has started over. The bawling and grumpy faces are a thing of the past and her momma's patient patting while she screamed with the consistency of woodpecker after his dinner was all a great bonding experience. Fussing in my ear, on my shoulder, in my arms, turned on her belly in my lap, all the while creating memories. Memories that she won't remember but I hope that subconsciously will make a difference.
What she doesn't realize is that time does not start over so easily for me. A bad night turns into a bad morning which turns into a terrible, horrible, no good very bad day (name that book) of frustration. I try not to let it go much further, but sometimes, really, I just don't want her company, no matter how big she smiles up at me after a 2 hour nap that was preceded by a hour and half of crying.
For instance, Alaska was up every two hours last night. I know. Poor me. Life of a momma. But really. It takes her 15-20 minutes to eat 'cause she's kinda lazy about it at night, even with the easy breaziness of a bottle. And then another 22 minutes of patting to get her back to sleep and even then it's not always enough to knock her out so that I can put her down. So it's either we fall asleep in the chair all cold and stiff or I take her to bed where it's at least warm, but still stiff as I lay absolutely still with her on my stomach. And then last night during the two hours that we lay in bed, not snuggling, it was out of pure necessity that we were under the covers together, she was squirmy and whiny even there, every 30 minutes and I would pat-pat her back to snoozing.
By 5 I had enough and was on the verge of letting her scream in her crib. I woke Handsome Husband out of his slumber and shoved the bottle I had just made into his hand and gave him instructions to take care of her. I needed at least 2 hours of undisturbed sleep on my side in order to make it through until her nap. And there was no nap until 1:30 today. The latest she's ever gone down. It was a worrisome morning to be sure. After her nap things didn't go so well either and by the time Steven came home from work I had tears in my eyes and he took her. I needed more than just for her to be taken by someone else, I needed her out. He took her visiting with him and came back to report that she had been on perfect behavior. Of course she had.
Steven kept her for the rest of the night while I typed furiously, venting and then when her crying got to be a little too much I retired to bed where I read The Last Song for a hour and a half before I felt unwound enough to get to sleep.
Now I am finishing up this post in the morning and things went much better last night with Steven getting up with me and making the bottle. He handed it to me, exclaiming, "We haven't even made it to midnight yet?!" Nope. We left her sleeping in the swing and when she woke up at 2:30 I got up by myself, taking my own sweet time to get her bottle and visit the bathroom before taking care of her. I may still have been a little bitter. We fell asleep together until 5 and I gathered up our bottle making materials one more time, fed, changed a diaper and played with her. Rocked her in the swing and she was asleep by 6 when I could finally crawl back into my own bed and get a cuddle before Handsome Husband got up for work.
And now she's up again, happily kicking around on the floor and I am rested and ready to spend a day inside. Yes, it snowed. And is still snowing. I was going to go to an art exhibit today but after yesterday changed my mind. And then I was going to go for a long walk but after the wet morning that I woke up to I changed my mind.
For the most part Alaska is pleasant to be with. We all have our moments. Our days. I love that little girl and have such high hopes for her. She really is my best friend right now. I hope that I can remember the feeling of simply not wanting her company. I wasn't really mad. Just kind of tired and discouraged. I wouldn't have wanted her to take it personally. I had just been pushed to the end and it would have happened if it were her or anyone else. I hope that I can remember it and not feel rejected when she's a teenager and there are days where she just doesn't want my company. For whatever reason, I know that we'll both feel it at times in our lives as we grow together where we just need our space. That's just life.
But sometimes it's more than I can take. I try to remember that every time she gets up from a nap her world has started over. The bawling and grumpy faces are a thing of the past and her momma's patient patting while she screamed with the consistency of woodpecker after his dinner was all a great bonding experience. Fussing in my ear, on my shoulder, in my arms, turned on her belly in my lap, all the while creating memories. Memories that she won't remember but I hope that subconsciously will make a difference.
What she doesn't realize is that time does not start over so easily for me. A bad night turns into a bad morning which turns into a terrible, horrible, no good very bad day (name that book) of frustration. I try not to let it go much further, but sometimes, really, I just don't want her company, no matter how big she smiles up at me after a 2 hour nap that was preceded by a hour and half of crying.
For instance, Alaska was up every two hours last night. I know. Poor me. Life of a momma. But really. It takes her 15-20 minutes to eat 'cause she's kinda lazy about it at night, even with the easy breaziness of a bottle. And then another 22 minutes of patting to get her back to sleep and even then it's not always enough to knock her out so that I can put her down. So it's either we fall asleep in the chair all cold and stiff or I take her to bed where it's at least warm, but still stiff as I lay absolutely still with her on my stomach. And then last night during the two hours that we lay in bed, not snuggling, it was out of pure necessity that we were under the covers together, she was squirmy and whiny even there, every 30 minutes and I would pat-pat her back to snoozing.
By 5 I had enough and was on the verge of letting her scream in her crib. I woke Handsome Husband out of his slumber and shoved the bottle I had just made into his hand and gave him instructions to take care of her. I needed at least 2 hours of undisturbed sleep on my side in order to make it through until her nap. And there was no nap until 1:30 today. The latest she's ever gone down. It was a worrisome morning to be sure. After her nap things didn't go so well either and by the time Steven came home from work I had tears in my eyes and he took her. I needed more than just for her to be taken by someone else, I needed her out. He took her visiting with him and came back to report that she had been on perfect behavior. Of course she had.
Steven kept her for the rest of the night while I typed furiously, venting and then when her crying got to be a little too much I retired to bed where I read The Last Song for a hour and a half before I felt unwound enough to get to sleep.
Now I am finishing up this post in the morning and things went much better last night with Steven getting up with me and making the bottle. He handed it to me, exclaiming, "We haven't even made it to midnight yet?!" Nope. We left her sleeping in the swing and when she woke up at 2:30 I got up by myself, taking my own sweet time to get her bottle and visit the bathroom before taking care of her. I may still have been a little bitter. We fell asleep together until 5 and I gathered up our bottle making materials one more time, fed, changed a diaper and played with her. Rocked her in the swing and she was asleep by 6 when I could finally crawl back into my own bed and get a cuddle before Handsome Husband got up for work.
And now she's up again, happily kicking around on the floor and I am rested and ready to spend a day inside. Yes, it snowed. And is still snowing. I was going to go to an art exhibit today but after yesterday changed my mind. And then I was going to go for a long walk but after the wet morning that I woke up to I changed my mind.
For the most part Alaska is pleasant to be with. We all have our moments. Our days. I love that little girl and have such high hopes for her. She really is my best friend right now. I hope that I can remember the feeling of simply not wanting her company. I wasn't really mad. Just kind of tired and discouraged. I wouldn't have wanted her to take it personally. I had just been pushed to the end and it would have happened if it were her or anyone else. I hope that I can remember it and not feel rejected when she's a teenager and there are days where she just doesn't want my company. For whatever reason, I know that we'll both feel it at times in our lives as we grow together where we just need our space. That's just life.
Tuesday, April 3, 2012
Be Still
Something has happened since Alaska entered my life with her butterfly-wing eyelashes and contagious gummy smile. Something big and unexpected. I have become still. Quiet. Calm.
I have moments after the house is impeccably clean that I can sit and write. Other moments when the house is not so clean and there are dirty dishes in the sink from the night before and Alaska is cuddled in my arms I let her be, concentrating on the soft breaths uttering from her warm body.
decorations up for the coming holiday more than a few days beforehand.
time to think and pray
time to read
time to clean and bake
try new recipes
make new friends />take a nap with Alaska in my arms without worrying about time
pursue things that I love
going on walks, to the library, to cemeteries
time to help others, listen to the spirit and know what others need
visit people who may need a friend or a visit
able to look outside myself
time to write
exercise
look out at the beautiful world and enjoy the sun on my face
People always ask if I miss working. Yes. I do. I loved working with people and looking at artwork and finding the 'just-right frame' and mat combination. I loved assembling frames and the awesomeness that was a completed shadow-box. But I love staying home, too. It's a whole different pace, but pleasant all the same.
I try to remember that I am still me. I am still a person with hobbies and interests. I am Alaska's momma. I am still a girl that loves to get her nails done and rummage around at DI searching for a new favorite shirt.
Alaska has helped me come back to those things that I love. Before when I was working so much I was too tired to do much when I came home after an 8-hour shift and the days that I was off during the week were spent getting the house under control. Now I have all day to keep up with the house and it shows. After the daily chores are done I have the rest of the day to do as I want, Alaska tagging along to whatever art gallery I want to visit or quietly sitting on my lap as I take her with me to see people that may need a little company.
Life has slowed down considerably and I am reveling in it before the ballet lessons start and kindergarten takes away half our day together. Before the other children get here and need to be fed and have their diapers changed. I still have time to be me, and I have time to be still.
I have moments after the house is impeccably clean that I can sit and write. Other moments when the house is not so clean and there are dirty dishes in the sink from the night before and Alaska is cuddled in my arms I let her be, concentrating on the soft breaths uttering from her warm body.
decorations up for the coming holiday more than a few days beforehand.
time to think and pray
time to read
time to clean and bake
try new recipes
make new friends />take a nap with Alaska in my arms without worrying about time
pursue things that I love
going on walks, to the library, to cemeteries
time to help others, listen to the spirit and know what others need
visit people who may need a friend or a visit
able to look outside myself
time to write
exercise
look out at the beautiful world and enjoy the sun on my face
People always ask if I miss working. Yes. I do. I loved working with people and looking at artwork and finding the 'just-right frame' and mat combination. I loved assembling frames and the awesomeness that was a completed shadow-box. But I love staying home, too. It's a whole different pace, but pleasant all the same.
I try to remember that I am still me. I am still a person with hobbies and interests. I am Alaska's momma. I am still a girl that loves to get her nails done and rummage around at DI searching for a new favorite shirt.
Alaska has helped me come back to those things that I love. Before when I was working so much I was too tired to do much when I came home after an 8-hour shift and the days that I was off during the week were spent getting the house under control. Now I have all day to keep up with the house and it shows. After the daily chores are done I have the rest of the day to do as I want, Alaska tagging along to whatever art gallery I want to visit or quietly sitting on my lap as I take her with me to see people that may need a little company.
Life has slowed down considerably and I am reveling in it before the ballet lessons start and kindergarten takes away half our day together. Before the other children get here and need to be fed and have their diapers changed. I still have time to be me, and I have time to be still.
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