It feels like it's only beginning. I've only been 'showing' for a month and it seems that's when 'pregnancy' begins. Everything before that was just miserable. Sickness and tiredness that I often think I would not be able to handle if I already had a child. And no one understood why I was so tired or had a constant stomach ache because there was no outer-showing other than the occasional flushed cheeks. Now it would be ok to be sick, because people would understand why, but I am over that. Now I am just blooming and ready to show off this little girl, even if she's just in my round stomach. I've got more energy than I have had since I graduated school and it feels so good! It's like this little girl has re-started my energy level and it's no longer bogged down by late nights and early mornings. Now, I know many of you are wanting to say, 'just wait. she's going to make you more tired than you've ever been.' But you know what? No. I don't think so. And if she does, it will be a different kind of tired. It's not going to be the tired that keeps you in bed until the last minute because you don't want to go to class or to work. It will be an exhausted tired. See the difference? No? Well, there is one. And I am excited to embrace it.
I am not going to lie, I could stay this way forever. With a round tummy and a little girl safe inside of me. As long as she's in me, nothing can hurt her. When she's born she will be transported to a different life where everything around her has the potential to hurt her. Germs, viruses, obstacles, boys... the list could go on. But inside floating in fluid, there is nothing. And I like it that way. That's what has kept me from being super anxious to have her out of me because I know the longer she's in there the safer she will be. Sure, she could be born tomorrow and be in the hospital for a few weeks and live, but I would much rather have her with me. Two more months and then I will have to worry all of the time. But for right now, I don't have to.
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