Foster Care Thoughts

"Do you have any kids?" Yes. Sort of. Well, no...not really. But, yes.
"Could you send me a bio about you and your family?" Sure, but who do I include?
"Is that a picture of your daughter?" Yes...
But, she's someone else's daughter, too.

These last few months have been the hardest we've walked as we said goodbye to L. What still surprises me three months later are the unexpected pangs that come from seemingly mundane, curious, "normal" questions.
Love knows no bounds. Love doesn't distinguish between genes, delivery process, or circumstance. Something amazing happens when we say "yes", when we whisper "you are safe, you are loved, you are okay" in a child's ear.
For 17 months we were mom and dad. And, that has forever changed us. It's changed our routines, our energy, our posture, our relationship, our hearts, our faith.
Frankly, I like those changes. They've made me better.
So, yes. I have a daughter. She's not with me anymore. But, she'll forever be my girl...that was shared with us for a season. And, truly I'd do it all again. 

-- Brooke Gray, Foster Mom, Executive Director of Every Child

As if I weren't already in a mix of emotions. As if anything foster care related, 'my girls' related doesn't already make me bawl my eyes out and just want to scream. Scream because I feel so trapped in my housing situation. Scream because this was supposed to be temporary anyways and now we are edging up on 5 years. Scream because I am mad at where I find myself. This is not what I wanted life to look like. And by gosh darn, something had better move before I am 30 years because 30 is old. 30 is when you have life figured out and going on and you aren't living in a white-trash apartment complex because it's all you can afford. And I say 'white trash' rather loosely because at least everyone within our 4 apartments that share a stairwell isn't a chain smoker. No smokers. And that makes a huge difference. But it's still - it's people who aren't going anywhere in life and right now I very much feel like that. And I don't like that. I won't stand for that. And it all wraps around in a vicious circle because without the proper housing, I can't do the fostering that has wrapped itself into my heart in a very real way. 

If had you asked me two years ago if I would be a mother of 6 kids I would of laughed at you!

We had our three boys, we had successfully made it through diapers, teething and toddler years!

We were comfortable. 

Then our world was rocked when we received a call to be a resource for a family member's son. We did it without hesitation but we struggled.

It was so new and different and uncomfortable, but we held on because we trusted there was a bigger plan we weren't even aware of. 

This child will soon be a permanent part of our family when adoption is finalized and I am so thankful that we had faith to keep going.

We've had kids come and go and it's hard.
It is down right gut wrenching sometimes. 

Somehow our faith gives us enough strength to continue to answer the call.

So for today we walk (or limp) humbly along. I often think of the life we had prior to the crazy life we have now.

That life would of been easy, we could of just kept trucking along with our heads in the sand, but instead our eyes were opened to a need and we continue to say yes because we don't feel called to an a easy life. We feel called to a sacrificial life, to bring hope to those around us.

When days are hard and I feel tempted to quit, I pray for strength so I can wake up and say yes, again and again and again.
-
- Crystal, Jackson County Foster Parent

And it's exactly that. As I raise my three children. My Punky, my Bubby and my Axty - it is normal. It is calming. It is easy-peasy. There is no adrenaline to push me through. It's just one thing and onto the next. I was not called to do this. My heart aches too much when I hear of a child who needs a place. Especially right now, as I literally have no room in my house to be of help. Life could be beautiful and plain or it could be beautiful with a little crazy dripped in. A little sacrifice for a lot of joy. A lot of heart-filling and a lot of sadness - rewarding. Hard and rewarding. But what gives me the strength is the knowledge that I am strong enough to do this. Fostering is not for everyone, nor is it for every single in someone's life - but for me. It is right now. Right now when my heart is tender towards others who need my influence because I have the capability to give it. 

These children need me. They need my small apartment. They need my fruit snacks and normalcy. They need the love that I can give and the love that my own children can give.