Sometimes, You Just Have to Hold 'Em

Being a momma is hard. Most especially being a momma to a foster. I held C for a hour tonight as she cried and cried. Usually I would have sent anyone who was crying that long to their room to wail it out, but deep in my heart, past the annoyance that an hour of crying can develop, I knew she needed to be held. She has been so happy since she has come to us. She has only asked about mom once or twice and she asks about her sisters and brother only at night when she is stalling the light going off.

This is the first time I have seen her cry and it came in spurts of her straining her legs and screaming inside. I tried to get her to talk about it but she just wanted to cry. And I couldn't just let her do it on her own. I felt that if I could hold her, I could absorb some of the feelings she was having. That this was something she didn't have to go alone. Goodness knows she's been through so much already. The homesickness hit her hard tonight.

As I sat there, looking at what my life really looks like from the view of the couch, I felt the overwhelming peace that has come a few times since we've gotten her and I know I am doing what I am meant to do.

Sitting on a couch holding an inconsolable child. Others may not think that is much. That things that contribute more to society would be greater accomplishments. But here I am, holding a girl who just needs to be held and I have been given the most precious opportunity to give something that only I can give. A gift that not even her own mother could give.

All my holding must have worked a little because when she was through whimpering I got up to get her a tissue and she fell asleep on the couch.  I am grateful for my own children, that they have taken this added member of the family in stride. While I was holding C, Alaska and Talmage were entertaining themselves by feeding each other crackers on the floor at my feet. Those two - they are something else.