Setting Boundaries

I have had a lot of time to think.  Lots of time to reflect on things that are most important and how to live a healthy life without regret or doing things I say 'yes' to just because 'yes' is easier than, 'no thanks, no interested.'

It's just something that has come naturally, after seeing a counselor, I have one more appointment and I will be 'cured'.  Almost cured?  Almost the person I was a year ago.  A few scars that still need fading, but for the most part, I've got it back.  And I am so grateful that I got up the courage to get an appointment and even went through with it as I saw the people smoking 'just outside the premise' because smoking isn't allowed within the premise.  And I kept going as I passed the couple of haggard, greasy haired people at the front door and even pushed forward past the high school boy who very well was a foster-child and has had a rougher life than I could even imagine.  Pushed past it all and spilled my guts, even if my guts were more thought out and organized and 'smaller' than most people's problems who were there my first day.

My counselor asked me what I was taking away from this 'almost last' appointment and I think I got it.  I got the greatest gift a person could be given.  I told her, "I don't feel so broken anymore.  I can see the progression and the growing that has happened."

I wouldn't have seen that if I hadn't enrolled in counseling.  I would still be fuming with disappointment that I wasn't what I was before.  I wouldn't have been able to look at the progression that I have made, but would always be sitting on the pavement looking towards the stars and their light that I used to hold and be frustrated that I wasn't there.  But having gone to counseling, I accepted out-loud that I was sitting on the pavement.  That it was cold and not where I wanted to be.  And slowly I began to pick myself up and give myself the wings that I need to get back to the stars.  Instead of always being frustrated about where I wasn't, I could sit back and watch the progression as I became again what I wanted to be.

My current homework is still setting boundaries.  Something I have had problems with since the beginning of time.  Doing things that I don't really want to do.  But saying yes because nice girls say yes.  So instead of saying an automatic 'yes' to anything and everything, I have to say, "Let me think about it" even if I know after I think about it, the answer will be yes.

And I have two victory stories to tell about sticking to boundaries and comfort zones!

1) We are living in a low in-come apartment complex and out of the 8 apartments that make up our block only three people have a car.  We are one of those three and I am mostly home and I get asked for rides often.  Someone asked for a ride and I was extremely busy getting ready for my first bazaar.  I had my hours limited and was counting them down like precious seconds.  I told her I could give her a ride in a couple of hours and she was all like, "Oh, well I think I'll just walk, then."  I was fuming mad.  But felt rightfully justified in a, "I said no" kind of way.  I had felt bad about not making her problem an emergency when, to her, it wasn't even an emergency.  I am so weird.  But she's weird to.  Asking someone for a ride would be my last step in solving a problem, when for her it was her first idea.  It's a crazy world we live in.

2) I had a Pampered Chef party set up.  I didn't want it.  I didn't want the perks that came from setting it up.  I didn't want to worry about people showing up or not showing up.  I didn't want to plan a party.  I didn't want any of it.  But I had said yes because it was the logical thing to do.  So, I took a big breath, and I told the lady I didn't want to do it.  I cancelled it before it was even an event.  That is something I never before would have dreamed of doing.  I like to think that I am responsible, and if I say 'yes' than you can bet it will happen and get done.

Something I have learned and become bolder in over the past few months is watching out for myself, feeling the tension inside me rise, and listening to the worries that wake me in the middle of the night and taking them by the throat and strangling them rather than letting them haunt me until the day of.  I have become more inclined to listen to my inner well-being and stand up for it rather than being the girl who can conquer anything.  I've been that girl.  And she doesn't get much credit.  So if it doesn't hurt, I am going to slip out every once-in-awhile.