Sunday, August 13, 2017

Quick update

Today is D's birthday! Her new mom sent me a photo of her with all her morning presents. She is going to have the best day ever! But maybe not. Because her mom won't be there. She's had some anxiety about that, which is totally understandable. A mom is pretty connected to a person's birthday, considering they had to give birth in the first place and all that.

I am so excited to see her. We are going to her party later this afternoon and I haven't seen her or E since forever, it feels. Probably a month, I guess. Which is so sad to see the weeks stack up like that. But it's hard to plan a play date when life around here is just so busy and packed. Which would be fine if they were both living with us still - they would just do all the things with us. But the way it is - it's too complicated to schedule something.

Megan, Steven's sister, got home from her mission last Thursday. Nic and Heather came out and met us at the airport and then spent the week up at the Barnes' house. It was fun to have everyone together  - Alaska loves her cousins and was telling Talmage that Porter was her cousin and Millie was his cousin, as those are the ages that they are closest to. But really, they just all played together really nicely.

We did lots of playing. Some professional photos. A trip to the beach. A mini hike. I spent a day doing appointments with Axton. A 60th anniversary for Great Grandma and Grandpa Barnes. And the kids got a day in with their Nana during the week and I stayed at home and got to know Axton a little more. I even coaxed a couple of smiles out of him.

In Axton news. We are donesies with nursing. It lasted an excruciating two weeks and then I called it quits. Which I think is just fine. Talk about learning from adversity. It took a lot of tears and a lot of pride swallowing to just say, "Done." I like to say 'I did everything I could' and blah blah. Which I did. I just had to come to realization that with two other kids that need my love and attention and all that, my 'all' isn't what is used to be. I got his tongue clipped, sure. I made an appointment for him to see a chiropractor who was trained in cranial stuff. Did the lactation appointments faithfully. After two weeks of that I had to just realize it wasn't going to happen. Especially when the chiropractor suggested doing two appointments a week for him and going to a lactation group with a private lactation specialist rather than someone at the hospital. Those trips to Portland take about 3 hours - 4 hours if you count the time getting the kids to and from a sitter. So. I just don't have time for that multiple times a week. I can't do that indefinitely. Not to add on my own personal discomfort. I was ugly crying during nursing and then had tears streaming down my face during pumping. It hurt so excruciatingly bad!

So I guess what I learned about myself is that I am still willing to do all that I can, but I also know my own limits of what 'all I can' is.

The cutest things:

Talmage dropping kisses on Axton's head or his fingers or his toes - whatever he can reach easily and quickly as he runs by playing.

Alaska picking Axton up 'like momma' and moving him to the couch to hold.

This baby. He is the missing point on our triangle that makes these siblings come together.

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