I only use my pockets once a week

Utah winters keep a coat on me constantly; however, being an avid purse carrier I rarely use the pockets. At work we have to wear name tags presenting ourselves as a happy-helper to answer a number of various questions. Questions like, 'where's the felt' 'what kind of mat should I use with this piece' and surprisingly many guys come in who need a second opinion on which frame to buy from our ready-mades. I've been asked more times than I would like to admit, 'do you work here?' as I had currently mis-placed my tag. Who knew that little 2 by 4 piece was such a needed accessory? 'Cause you know, you might miss a worker if only identified by classy tan pants and black shirt. And back to the post title. My pre-mentioned name tag was nestled in my coat pocket. After I had scoured the path to the laundry, flipped through every single piece of clothing, swiped my hand along the washer and dryer searching for the magnetic piece of plastic and done nothing short of scoping a flashlight in both it was in my pocket the whole time! What a little sneak.

I wasn't going to report the tag as 'lost' because we're actually switching things up at work. I guess employees voiced their opinion about being denied expression in a craft store and out came the following brilliant idea. T-shirts. Regular t-shirts with screen printing on the back and a little piece of print up front for the employee (that's me) to write their name artisticly neat. Is there such a thing? Is that an oxymoron?

I am not totally upset, I mean... I never was much of a doodler. Therefore my name will easily fit into the category of 'neat' and maybe I can retrace the letters to make them bolder to give it some individual artistic flare. 'Cause thickening up a few lines is really artistic, right? But what if people judge me by my handwritten name? What if they look at that name and silently do a handwriting analysis: very readable (organized, purposeful, efficient), it drives me crazy when my 's' don't look identical (patience, perseverance), and lastly, sensitive (because my 'J' is capitalized, as is my 'A' because I think it looks more balanced with a tall letter at the beginning and end of my name). I can sum that up into two words, "kinda boring." See why I don't want people seeing my name written in my handwriting?

Now, these t-shirts are not just your basic white T. No Plain White Ts in a craft store, please! (And that includes in the music choice. Our target customers were raised in the 80's, therefore our background, easy-listening music is suffocating its way to the 90s) These t-shirts have various experts posted on the back. 'Framing Expert' 'Cake Expert' 'Art Expert' and my personal favorite, 'Party Expert.' That's right. A t-shirt that says Party Expert. Who wouldn't want to be an expert on every party ever thrown? But even if I got the shirt with 'Party Expert' screened all over the back people would take one look at my handwritten name and turn the other way and run fast. Because obviously someone who's 's's look just the same and who starts and ends their name with a capital letter to keep it looking balanced cannot be trusted to plan a raging party. Even if it's a jewelry making party. Perhaps I will keep wearing my printed name tag till the day that I resign.