After getting the book, it just so happened that the certifier and the caseworker had to stop by to do a visit. They did a good job working with schedules and were able to come at the same time. I thought it was really thoughtful of them and felt like they were checking in on C and may have some extra information to share. Not so much. As they stood up to leave they said, "Keep doing what you're doing, you're doing fine."
I was so put out! And even more put out when talking with one of the other foster moms she explained that they were most likely casing the house to see if they could ask me to take in any more kids. The nerve!
I read a little bit of the book and in my search to find something that works, I learned a little about children that I had taken advantage of in my own children just by being a good mom and hadn't realized that C would need and I learned a things or two about her personality and why she is so highly reactive to sounds and other stimulus. Which is also really annoying. I thought it was because she had been trained to overreact to get attention, when really, her body is just wired to do that. Of course, I think we can bring it down a touch, but it feels good knowing that I don't have to eliminate it completely.
I can't get over the whole paradigm switch I am having to go through. I thought I was fostering to make a better life for a child, when in all reality, I am fostering to become a stronger, more effective parent. To become a better person. There's no way that you can foster and not be changed yourself. Not have to adjust something or learn something new. At least with the child we got landed with.
I've had a couple of days where I just about lose it and then bring it back in after reading a story with everyone and other days where I totally nail it all and feel pretty good about how the day went.
The book I flipped through had some good ideas and I wrote them down, but now I need to get up the guts to actually implement them. I did do the bedtime thing that they suggested, which I am sure I have learned before, but I just forgot. When they get up out of bed, take them by the hand without eye contact and without talking, tuck them in with a kiss and leave. I did it and it took 3x the first night, 1x the next and after that we've kicked the getting up in the stomach and it's no longer an issue.
I did have Alaska and C going to bed at the same time in the same room and they did fine and then did really bad and I haven't gotten the guts to try it again yet. Alaska has been sleeping in our bed to get to sleep and then I transfer her to her own bed every night when I go to bed. It works alright most of the time, except when Talmage has a hard time getting to sleep is making a ruckus in the closet. Because right now he is in the walk-in closet in our room. Our house is maxed out. So take that. We're going crazy enough with just one added person in our life as it is.
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