The Nausea

This whole pregnancy has been a nightmare. I have been throwing up multiple times a day and having the absolute worse nausea since a couple weeks before Thanksgiving and on into the very, very last part of January. I haven't even been able to get excited about a new baby. I have just been puking my guts out and keeping on the down low to try and keep things down.

We have been eating loads and loads of cereal and a lot of apples. I loathe every time I have to feed the kids. The last thing I can remember that I made from ingredients was the artichoke cheese dip I took to my mom's house for Thanksgiving. I did a few of those, 'grab the pre-chopped vegetables and the pre-cooked chicken from Safeway' and then just haven't. I was too sick. The smell lingering in the house after making a meal was too much. So I bought McDonalds once a week and made the kids eat in the car because I couldn't stand the smell in the house and refused to get them chicken nuggets because that smelled the worst of all. I had a couple meals brought in by some ladies in the ward but those always make me leary.

It was bad enough during Christmas break that I spent the second week of Christmas break up at my parents and let them take care of me. And then we had snow days, which kept school closed, and we were able to spend more time there.  And I was honestly wondering if I would need to pull the girls out of school because it nauseated me to get their clothes out and get hair done and breakfast done. It was horrible. A nightmare. Which has me declaring 'this is the last one!' Our last baby that I will give birth to. I will not be this sick again. I cannot. We won't live close to family where I can go when it's just too much. And Alaska and Talmage and this new baby will have more than just measly preschool going on.

I have been mad. Screaming in the bathroom after puking and spitting with vengeance. Not even mad AT anything. Just plain old mad at being sick. At throwing up. I was sad. Crying and crying because I was 'such a poor thing' - and now that the worst is over. I just feel blah. As if being sick for the past 3 months has taken all my enjoyment of life and now all I can do is just be irritated. I am looking forward to Valentine's Day and have high hopes to put all my energy into what I missed at Christmas.

Which - Christmas. I did not do any shopping after Black Friday. I didn't have the stomach nor the heart for it. So thank goodness I had gotten the 'important' things before that. A toy drill for Talmage and a Rapunzel dress for Alaska. And then, come to find out the day before Christmas that she doesn't want a Rapunzel dress, she wants an Ariel dress. That gave me the stress and I had to call my mom to help me out in finding one while she was out doing some shopping because there was no way I was making it out of the house and I didn't have time to order on Amazon.

Steven manned Christmas presents for everyone that we had pulled names for, for my family, and he manned gifts for his parents. It was pretty big of him. I couldn't even make decisions and tell him what to get. He had to do it all on his own. I could not think. I was an absolute puking vegetable.

And that about brings us to now. The first week of February and I no longer have to take the b-6 vitamin with the sleeping aide at night. I was waking up multiple times in the middle of the night with nausea.

"Oh, you just need to keep yourself fed" was the common condolence. Right. Which is fine until you really, honestly are trying to eat every two hours to keep your stomach from churning. And you know what. It's hard. The morning I was always the most successful but by 2 o'clock in the afternoon, I was so sick of eating, I would rather be sick than eat more food. And my body had to stop eating sometime in the evening, so I would always, always throw up around 8 after a dinner at 6. Because if I didn't tell my body that there was no more food coming at 8, I would need to tell it at 9. It was just always the way to end the night. Puking up whatever I last ate.