A Few Successes

We had a meeting last week with GOHBI  - great oregon health and behavior intervention. It's kind of like a mental health thing - but specifically for behavior - and it's also a kind of foster care system in some 'foster care on steroids' type of way. C's sister has been admitted into it for a variety of reasons. They are basically the same - but C isn't in school yet and doesn't have the same expectations set upon her so she's not spitting on the bus and doing obnoxious, inappropriate things at school. Not yet anyways.

This meeting brought together all the caretakers (fp, mom/dad, grandma), caseworker, a counselor, the attorneys, and the CASA. Maybe 15 people? We talked about, specifically, T's (the sister) strengths, weaknesses, things that those that care for her want for her, and then strengths and weaknesses of the team. Of all the grown-ups. That was slightly embarrassing. But needed to be said.

Basically, though, I am super-staring this foster parent thing. As approved upon by the counselor on two separate occasions and verified by bio-mom. And it felt so good! I could feel a kitten inside of me getting nice pets on the head and pressing it's head into the hand petting it, purring loudly. Weird visual?

First thing that was said was that the foster parents are extremely invested in the well-being of these girls. We are willing learners and care to make ourselves better people, not just make the kids better. This makes a lot of difference in our willingness to follow through with homework and things.

Second thing that was said was that I usually check-in once a week with the counselor through e-mail, fine tuning what I am working on with C and reporting the good and the bad. Winning! And then bio-mom pipes up and says, "Oh, yeah. Jessica prints out a letter for me with what she's been working on and phrases that work or don't work. C knows what the word 'appropriate' means and I can tell her if something is not appropriate and she stops." Made my heart swell. All my hard work, being payed off. Being noticed and appreciated. Winning!

And so I went home all proud of myself and ballooned up and told my mom. And she was happy, and not surprised, but reminded me that even awesome people can get tired and worn out. And yes. It was a good 'come down off that and be realistic' because I was all ready to keep going for months. When really, even looking back on the great stuff that C and I accomplished this week, I am worn out. Usually the wins can fill me up long enough to keep wanting to go and looking forward to what's next. But right now I just want to be done. A weekend without C doesn't even fill me up. If anything, it makes me a little more tired when she comes back with all that energy after I have had a nice break.

So I am making the right choice. How to tell when I am done - my fire is just gone.

But I wanted to share our successes. Because that's important in this whole deal.

Success 1: Putting things in a positive. C can be prompted into changing, "Talmage! Stop pushing me!" into "Talmage, move away." And enjoys it. Like it's a game. 

I am still practicing this myself and if I don't catch my own self and do a self-correction Kenzie reminds me. She likes helping me 'put it in a positive' and can sometimes come up with a solution faster than I can. It's been a sort of game. 

Success 2: The wild attempts to get help, "I need a drink of water!!!!" Have turned into, "I need a drink of water." I ignore the announcement and something miraculous has happened. If it's something that she can take care of herself, she just carries on and gets it done. If it's something that she does actually need help with, she rephrases to the appropriate words. This small difference has made a world of peace in our house.