Be Still

Something has happened since Alaska entered my life with her butterfly-wing eyelashes and contagious gummy smile. Something big and unexpected. I have become still. Quiet. Calm.

I have moments after the house is impeccably clean that I can sit and write. Other moments when the house is not so clean and there are dirty dishes in the sink from the night before and Alaska is cuddled in my arms I let her be, concentrating on the soft breaths uttering from her warm body.

decorations up for the coming holiday more than a few days beforehand.
time to think and pray
time to read
time to clean and bake
try new recipes
make new friends />take a nap with Alaska in my arms without worrying about time
pursue things that I love
going on walks, to the library, to cemeteries
time to help others, listen to the spirit and know what others need
visit people who may need a friend or a visit
able to look outside myself
time to write
exercise
look out at the beautiful world and enjoy the sun on my face

People always ask if I miss working. Yes. I do. I loved working with people and looking at artwork and finding the 'just-right frame' and mat combination. I loved assembling frames and the awesomeness that was a completed shadow-box. But I love staying home, too. It's a whole different pace, but pleasant all the same.

I try to remember that I am still me. I am still a person with hobbies and interests. I am Alaska's momma. I am still a girl that loves to get her nails done and rummage around at DI searching for a new favorite shirt.

Alaska has helped me come back to those things that I love. Before when I was working so much I was too tired to do much when I came home after an 8-hour shift and the days that I was off during the week were spent getting the house under control. Now I have all day to keep up with the house and it shows. After the daily chores are done I have the rest of the day to do as I want, Alaska tagging along to whatever art gallery I want to visit or quietly sitting on my lap as I take her with me to see people that may need a little company.

Life has slowed down considerably and I am reveling in it before the ballet lessons start and kindergarten takes away half our day together. Before the other children get here and need to be fed and have their diapers changed. I still have time to be me, and I have time to be still.