This means that an important group of people got skipped on the good news. Church. Which wasn't a big deal for awhile 'cause looking at me, there was no sign. But then I got asked to go full time at Michaels and my Sundays at church became limited and next thing I know I am only with my little nursery class once a month. So I fixed that to where I can get to them at least twice, sometimes three times a month. But I still didn't bother telling anyone that there was a baby inside of me. And now I haven't been for another three weeks and what do you know? Ummm... the secrets gotta come out 'cause I am quite noticeably large.
But only large enough that you can say, "Hey, she used to be thinner... didn't she?" So then it puts you in another awkward situation because obviously we didn't tell anyone and so now everyone's gonna wonder why we didn't tell anyone and may be too shy to come out and ask at this point even with the noticeable changes. So then I will just get some looks. Looks that last a little too long as they turn in their mind if there is something going on. Second looks as they try to decide if I really do look pregnant or it's just the way I am standing. Third looks as they really try to figure it out and maybe watch for my belly to kick out or something. It's humiliating. So I am thinking we may need to make a trip by the ward gossip's house and tell them so that it can be around the ward by Sunday and I can stop sweating about an announcements.
We went to the ward picnic for the last little bit of its endurance to help clean up, or something? I didn't really want to go. I looked kind of grungy from work (I don't always bother to shower and put make-up on those days) and didn't really feel like socializing and pretending like I belonged. It's strenuous sometimes. But after a quick change and a pep-talk from Handsome Husband we were off and got there just in time to help clean-up. Which I did happily 'cause it gave me something to focus on and most usually something to carry in-front of my growing tummy.
When we had first moved into the ward we had tried really hard to be involved with everything and I had gone to numerous Relief Society functions, desperately trying to make friends and be accepted by the little old ladies. I was a young whipper-snapper with a soft smile and a quiet voice and a newly-wed that would probably move out of the ward in a few months. I wasn't given much attention. Our need to be included and meet people forced us to join the ward Christmas choir, which actually wasn't all that bad. Except, think of the ward choirs you have been. They're all nice people, but more often than not you get the weirdy reclusive that just loves music with all their heart but don't have much as far as social skills go. That activity kind of exploded in our face if it weren't for the pianist and the fact that the practices were always held at her home. She was always so sweet to us and was genuinely happy to see us there and made sure that we at least got introduced to everyone even if no one ever talked about much more than music and who should be singing which parts.
She is so so so nice and friendly and she was there at the picnic, of course, trying to get rid of the last dozen ears of corn that she had brought from her garden. While I was packing things to her husband's truck she caught up with me and all seriousness asked, "And where's your baby?" Now her seriousness had a little smile behind it, because she is such a happy, personal person and I thought that maybe she was joking. You know, that maybe, somewhere, someone had heard that I was pregnant and she was asking me this question to get around the topic and find out if I were really pregnant. I grinned, playing along, and pointed down to my stomach. "Right here!" BAHAHAHA wrong answer. Remember when I told you how we were getting baby shower announcements on our door every week? She had been getting the same ones and didn't know the girls very well and had just been tossing them aside. She had mixed me up with them! She looked extremely shocked, to say the least, and kept apologizing. Which makes me feel even worse. Is it that bad? Is it that bad to find out someone is pregnant? So now I am nervous beyond anything and am trembling about going to church on Sunday. I can only hope that maybe she will tell some of the older ladies in their quilt group or whatever, it's pretty well known that we don't have any immediate family near us and that we're doing this adventure on our own. I just don't want to be the one to tell anyone. I really don't. I wish my dad were here to announce it in church the way he announced that Steven and I were getting married back in the day. It would make life so much easier!
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