I am a slob

Watch out. This is a body post. You've been warned.

Pregnancy has made me realize how much easier it is to be clean when you're thin. No one would ever have been able to call me 'skinny.' Thin. Yes. But skinny. No. I am no string bean. Maybe a cucumber. They're kinda straight up and down but with a little beafiness to them, ya know? See, I've always had this paranoia. It's a secret I don't share much, but what the heck, right? I have this paranoia of my stomach being larger than my boobs. I've always had it, ever since 5th grade when I began to notice that everyone was growing boobs and I definitely was not. So in order to feel proportionate I had to make sure that my stomach never got bigger than my non-existing boobs. I did this quite successfully and everyone was envious of my flat stomach. And then when I started running cross country in highschool not only did my stomach stay flat, but it got toned as well. All that huffing and puffing up the hills really got my abs to work their magic and all of a sudden I was awesome looking, minus the fact that I had little boobies. A girl can only have so much I guess.

Well, when you get pregnant, your boobs grow. I know. It's the best thing that has ever been given to me. There's a minor problem though. They grow and all of a sudden you have them and all of a sudden you notice food splatters appearing on all of your t-shirts right on your now-voluptuousness chest that otherwise never would have happened 'cause there was no shelf (per-say) a week and a half ago. It kind of reminds me of when I first started growing hips my junior year of highschool and I kept running into stuff. The desks at school could never be far enough apart and it seemed like doors that I used to be able slide through, barely missing the frame, were bumping me all over the place. And then when I had to move up a pant size, well that was a not so awesome day. Not necessarily the fact that I had to move up a size, but that now when I went to a dressing room to try on jeans I had to not only take a bajillion different styles, but I had to take one of each size and try on both and decide which one fit better. It slowed down my clothes buying and decision making a lot. It was torturous.

And now my stomach is growing. So instead of food splotches showing up on my chest, I usually get a nice swipe of sauce or whatever down the side of my belly on any shirt I am wearing at the time as food escapes bounce twice before hitting the floor. And for some reason, I can't seem to get food from the plate to my mouth without spilling something, sometime in a meal. It's really embarrassing. Being pregnant is messy business.