I may be jumping the gun on this one, but if I wait until Alaska
and Orson and Talmage and unknown baby girl (Steve it hoping for Emily) become
of the age to be practicing to prevent the top 25 mistakes parents make then I
am going to be too pooped and busy to sit down and read a book about it.
I've had this strong feeling lately. About families.
It probably started in college when we were writing research papers on
the dullest book in history, in fact, it was the first chapter book ever
written about the American West, a total classic, but as boring as all get-out
and it was either write a paper on that book or Huckleberry Finn, which had
already been ruined for me in highschool. Please don't make me sound out
every word Jim says in my head, ever again.
Anyways, I ended up writing about the role of men and women in
that book and when I was presenting my final project to my teacher he mentioned
that there has been quite a bit of research done on the "American
front-porch" and how it has been declining, and with that, family values
have been declining, and the significance of the two combined. I was
enthralled, but worn out from the research I had already done and was not about
to go do more. So I never learned anything concrete, but the idea has
been festering in my mind. This declining of family and family values and
how the idea of 'family' is changing to include any group of people that love
each other enough to sacrifice for one another and how is it really important
that you get together with your family if there is really no strong bonds and
is it just as important, or more important, to keep those close friends you
have made in your life and have 'friend reunions' on a regular basis.
AND THEN ever since the mission age has dropped for both young men
and young women I have a stronger desire build these children of mine and steer
them toward a mission. Not that I want that to be their life-goal, but
that I want to raise them so that their hearts are in the right place at that
time in their life to want to go on their own accord. And that when they
get back, they will just be touching down to the ground and will take off
running toward their next adventure. I don't want their mission to be the
main point of all that is good. It is good to be knowledgeable in the
gospel and have strong testimonies for so many more reasons than to serve a
mission.
I know it is a large goal, a huge endeavor, but if I can do one
thing in this world, it will be to raise righteous children who will become
courageous young adults who will become stalwart adults and create stalwart
families. That is my greatest desire, even as my first baby is a mere 18
months. And I will do all that I can to make sure that comes to past.
There are so many things I can worry about, as a mother, to hope that my
children are well-rounded. Social, talented, beautiful, and all the other
things. But as I study more about the gospel and rely on the promises
made about what a mother can do to raise wonderful children I find myself calm
in the knowledge that they will round themselves if I only lay the foundation
good and strong. That's not my job, to round them. My job is to
love unconditionally and teach with passion.
These are the promises I am clinging to. And if I have to
teach family home evening every single Monday night for the rest of my life on
these topics, so be it.
"Ninety-nine out of every hundred children who are taught by
their parents the principles of honesty and integrity, truth and virtue, will
observe them through life."
Wilford Woodruff
"Not one child in a hundred would go astray, if the home
environment, example and training, were in harmony with the truth in the gospel
of Christ, as revealed and taught to the Latter-Day Sants."
Joseph F. Smith
Mistake No 1: Failure to establish a home environment that
reflects the gospel.
Me: Conquered. I got our official "Jesus picture"
just this last time I was in Utah, and I can honestly say, it makes a
difference in our home. There's just something extra warm and cozy about
having a picture of the temple and a picture of Jesus in sight. Like
everything is right in the world, even if that world is just a 30x30 foot
combined living-room and kitchen.
The author also spoke about what we listen to, hang on our walls,
watch on t.v., what books are on our shelves and how we treat one another and
those people who come over. How these things should reflect our beliefs
and what we value.
He told a bit about Sister. Hinckley. How her mother had
placed a large picture of Christ in the room she shared with her sisters to
remind them of who they are and what they want to become. And she married
a prophet. Not that we all need to marry prophets, but it's nice to know
that the potential is there.
There was some good statistics about media in the house and media
in a youth's room, but it's not really that big of deal for me since Handsome
Husband and I have already decided about that. How there is no need for
the children to have media in their rooms and how there will be no t.v. in the
house but to watch movies on. It's how we both grew up, and we were fine.
There were a couple of times I had to watch some news for a social
studies class and for those few times I went over to a friend's house to watch.
No big deal.
I just wonder, how we can expect other kids to come over to our
house when we have no fancy t.v. set up with a fancy game system and lots of
channels to choose from. And how you can have family time that doesn't
revolve around the t.v. Already the kids in the apartment complex we live
in have noticed that we don't have a t.v. But they keep coming over, so
maybe it's not as important as I think it is.
I love this advice, "Look closely at posters or pictures that
are on the walls, along with CDs, DVDs, books, magazines, clothes, and shoes.
All tell a story of how children are doing. If you see no evidence
of Christ and abundant evidence of the world, there is reason to be
concerned."
And also, "Sit down in your most used furniture and look
straight ahead. What do you see? Is it a picture of Christ?
Do you see a beautiful temple picture? Remember that whatever you
see, everyone else who lives in your home or visits sees the same thing."
I am working really hard at making our home environment something
that others want to be a part of. It has always been a dream of mine to
be the house that all the kids want to be at. To be an example for good
to more than just my immediate family.
The past little while I was striving especially hard to have the
spirit of Christ in our home. And you know what I learned? I can
take the garbage out, I can hang things on the wall, I can move boxes and I can
set up a table. All by myself and all without nagging Handsome Husband
about it. And you know what the most miraculous thing about this whole
project was? He did the dishes. Picked up the living room.
Put Alaska to bed. Without me even expecting it or asking.
Because I had done my part of making our home welcoming instead of a
place where there were demands, I feel like that rubbed off on him and things
were much more peaceful and he helped because he wanted to.
And one more, just because I never want to forget. While I
was doing this little experiment of mine, one of the little girls that runs
around outside all the time, came over. She stepped in, walked over and
sat on the couch and said, "It feels good in here." Not,
"it looks good." or, "it smells good." The key
words of, "it FEELS good." I could have called my life complete
at that point. She doesn't know how those words made my heart leap, and
will never know, but I want everyone who comes to our house to notice the
difference and how it just feels good to be somewhere clean, taken care of and
where everyone is loved unconditionally.
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