Kind of embarrassing

Ok. So I puke twice a day. I have emergency bathroom runs sometimes. My stomach is ALWAYS nauseated. Smells can make me gag. There are some foods that cannot even be said without me vomiting in my mouth. I change the radio station if a commercial starts talking about craving crunchy, greasy, deep fried nastiness or dipping that nastiness into your favorite sauce.

Have you guessed it yet? Yeah. I am definitely pregnant. Definitely. I have never been more uncomfortable in my life. And sometimes, after bowing and offering to the porcelain throne I just cry because I am so tired. So tired of eating. I have a hard time eating as it is, and then when it all comes back up a hour later I just want to hit something really hard. Really hard. 'Cause that means that I just lost a whole meal. To the throne of all places.

I am having a really hard time telling people that I am pregnant. First of all, I didn't even believe it at first. I mean. Really. Things go wrong all the time. Who's to say I wouldn't just have a heavy period the next month, right? And then I got a lab test taken and it said the same thing. You're gonna have a baby. Still kind of unreal. And then I started puking. Every day. Nothing says pregnancy like some puke, believe you me.

So then, it's all like, when do you start telling people? 'Cause if I told them now, then in 8 months when the baby comes, you feel dumb because people say things like, "woah, you've been pregnant a long time." It's the same 9 months everyone has, but the sooner you tell the longer it seems. 'Cause really, that is like 3 seasons right there. That's almost a full year. That's a long time.

And now I am starting to show. Just a little. Like an added 10 lbs in my stomach, even though in all honesty I haven't gained any weight because my puking in counteracting that. Which is also awkward, 'cause then only people that know that you had a super flat fantabulous stomach before know that something is changing, but to everyone else you look just a little bit fatty and your pants don't fit. Which makes it even worse because before I started puking all the time I was on my way to a fairly well-built body with some ripply muscles and everything. Nothing makes me more sad than flabby arms. And everyone knows that a girl's legs are where it's all at and those things have got to be powerful for pushing the lawn mower and running long distances chasing gazelle for dinner and all that.

But that's over for now. I can't get out of bed without knowing that there is something wrong with my stomach and that any small thing can aggravate it to a stormy fest of harpoon thrusts to my gut.

Not only are my exercising days over, but my hair-do days as well. Now I am lucky if I feel well enough to get in the shower and wash that hair of mine, let alone get it dried and straightened. The smell of my shampoo and conditioner churns my stomach. The smell of soap churns my stomach. Anything over the light breeze of fresh air churns my stomach.

Actually, that's not true. I could sniff cleaner all day if I could. I LOVE mopping the floor 'cause the lysol has such a fresh scent. I LOVE cleaning mirrors because windex has always been my favorite cleaning product. And I LOVE cleaning anything with 409. That stuff smells delicious! And I also LOVE the smell of the pool. Bring on some chlorine. Just so long as I don't have to get in that nasty water. I can sit and smell it all day.

This whole thing is embarrassing. And then, how do you tell people? I sent my parents and Steven's parents balloons and some little pin buttons that say 'future uncle' 'future grandma' blah blah blah that was cute. But the everyday people? "Hey, how you doin'?" "Oh, not so well, actually. I just got done flushing the toilet on everything I have eaten in the past week. Oh, and by the way, I am pregnant" See, it just doesn't sound that good. And then, it's hard to bring it up in a normal conversation because number one, that doesn't come up so naturally, and then number two, because that's like breaking your leg in elementary school. Half the kids feel bad for you and the other half think that you did it for attention.

It's rotten. So right now the only reason people know that I am pregnant is because of my family. And by family I mean my brother, David, who has a hard time containing such exciting news and would shout it out to the world, no need to say that he already announced it over the pulpit in church.

Kind of embarrassing.