Court Again

There was court today for D and E. I went. It was a circus. Next court is not until April. And that will make a year of them being in care. My heart hurts for them. I want them to have a place to call home forever. The attorney that C had is representing one of the dads in this case and he was pleasant and said hi and asked what I was doing here. I had to explain that I just love these girls and am invested in their future. He smiled a knowing smile and nodded, but said nothing. He knows. I am in love with them. But that's dangerous in this line of service. 

I don't know why I am dragging myself through all of this. Why I can't just let these two girls go. I don't know if it's because they were the last ones in my home. Or if because I have no other extras right now. Or if because my heart really is strung out on a string for them. Probably a combination of all of that. And that E still calls me Mom when she sees me. I know her version of the word mom and my version of the word mom are very, very different. But I still feel like I want to be her mom in the way that I understand it. When I see her, I see the trusting girl she was when she came to me that first night. And I remember her fierce loyalty, as if she were a shadow. 

I wrote a letter to the school today about putting her and Alaska in the same class. What they don't know is that even if those two are not in the same class - I will still volunteer for both of them. I realized that as I wrote the letter.

To whom it may concern:

I have a daughter, Alaska Barnes, entering McBride as a kindergartner. I will be volunteering in her class. My husband and I are foster parents. We had E in our home for a couple months (May-July) while a placement was found that could take her, her sister, and their younger brother. I am requesting that E and Alaska be put in the same class. I will be volunteering in Alaska’s class and would like to do double-duty of being able to volunteer in E’s class, as well. I am invested in E and her future even though she is no longer in my predominant care.  

E will benefit greatly from having an adult actively involved and interested in her school life and this will improve her success. Her current foster mom is a working mom and does not have the flexibility to volunteer in the school. I would like to step in to fill that void and meet the need of E having an adult who is actively involved at school.

It would also be important to note that E has had many adults in and out of her life – not all of them the kind that you would want as a role-model. I believe that keeping the connection I have with E is important to her future and a simple way to strengthen that connection is to be involved in her classroom.

I have worked with E’s current foster parent to preserve the connection I have with E over the summer because I know how important a stable, present, adult figure is in her life.

Thank you for considering;

Jessica Barnes