Reading a book for that book club. Wounded Children, Healing Homes. And it's enlightening. Stuff I already knew deep down about attachment. Nothing earth-shattering new. But it makes me want to strangle a person for screwing C over so bad. She could be an enjoyable child and instead is wrangled with this need for constant attention which can make her unbearable.
It takes years, a lifetime, to overcome that neglect. We're doing pretty dang good for where we are. And it makes me feel like, "No, I don't want her to go anywhere else." but at the same time having her as part of our family was not in my 'dream of a family' and I don't need to change that just because someone made crappy decisions and I have a big heart. A little of time is time enough.
And she's missing all the pieces that are related to attachment. I had no idea that reasoning was related to attachment, and the book doesn't explain how, but somehow it is. And the inability to think through situations and some other things that blare on C. It's just so stupid. How something so simple could have such lasting effects. Not just attention-seeking effects, but cognitive effects.
And we've come so freaking far. And it's been stinkin' hard! A lot of counseling appointments. A lot or practice. A lot of patience and heart.
And people adopt kids like this! Like they honestly go searching for kids who have been neglected and are willing to put all their all into it. The book talked about that, too. About beliefs and myths of adoption and I just can't fathom going into this blind. Taking on a 4 year old and calling her yours forever when you don't even know anything about her and working through everything. Knowing that you will work through it and knowing that it will take years and years.
Like if C kept going at the rate we were currently going she could maybe be socially normal in 2 or 3 years. But always missing the reasoning and the everything else. But that's a lot of energy to be putting in for so long. Steven keeps telling me I am trying to run a marathon in a sprint. But you have to. You have to want to reach the end bad enough to just do it and keep up on it. And I haven't even done what I was supposed to do with her this week. Like mindful exercises and all that. I am just pooped.
The caseworker has insisted that dad have counseling set up for Kenzie before she is approved to go with him. Which feels good. She sees and values that hard work I have done with Kenzie and is validating that.
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