Lots of Evaluations

A few weeks ago C went to the children's program. This is where the most challenging behaviors are looked at by a professional and then evaluated and given recommendations. C's sister did this when the kids first came into care and because she wasn't labeled as extremely difficult, DHS decided it wouldn't be beneficial to do the other kids.

Fast forward a year and all the foster parents are at their wits ends and the mom and dad aren't getting their stuff together and the more I want things to get taken care of and get settled so they can all go home, the more it looks like this case is just going to be pushed and pushed. AND right now our county has a judge that is very much 'give kids back to their bio families - most especially the moms' which has been sickening in a few very recent cases that I have heard of. A judge who goes against multiple agencies saying that the birth-mom is not a viable option and the judge sending kids back to bio-mom anyways.

But back to the kids. Basically, what finally pushed this all over the edge for the children's program was the CASA and how there needs to be more documentation on how high-needs these kids are. C was high-wired for 4 or 5 days after this evaluation. Obviously there is more below the surface than any of us thought. The following is an e-mail that I sent out to those involved in the case as an update.

The counselor/doctor/ therapist I really have no idea who he was. But he acknowledged, that yes, she takes a lot of time and energy as far as re-directing and being distracted goes. He spent about half a hour with C alone and had some games to play with her, but they were games with expectations attached and C caught on to that super fast. Casey saw her frustration level rise as it often does when she is asked to do something she doesn't want to do/takes longer than she thinks it should. 

Her unawareness of 'personal space' is something he also got to see. He was typing at his computer while talking to her and a rock on the other side of the desk caught her eye. Even though he was in-between C and the rock, she went down, under his desk where he was typing and past his legs to pop up on the other side to retrieve and examine the rock. She could have gone around just as easily, but less directly.

This was all relieving to hear. He was very empathetic.

He then dropped the idea that she may have ADHD. Of course it wasn't something that he suggested labeling at this point in her development, but he thought it would be useful to have that label in the picture, to have it on the radar. Her ability to switch from one thing to the next and be everywhere at once was marveling to him. Compounded with her brightness. She has a lot of learning potential, he said, and could tell from the little time with her that she is perceptive and bright. Catching onto things quickly. Her energy and 'flightiness' is a lot to handle.

During their time together he asked her to draw a picture of her family. C started out drawing 'mom' and he wasn't sure if that was me or Kathleen (it was Kathleen because she calls me Jessica, but he wouldn't have known that) but then she stopped, looked a little bewildered and changed her mind, making it into herself. She refused to go on and he thought it interesting that she put up such a block to that. He tried to ask her leading questions about her family and she pretty much shut down for him, wiggling her way into doing another activity. He didn't want to push her, but he definitely noticed that it was uncomfortable for her and found it interesting that she was not open to talking about any of it. With how wide open she had been previously and after, he was interested in this dynamic. Why it's so closed off. He didn't have anything to say about it, other than it was interesting.

There were no recommendations or a list of 'things to do' from the 5 minute follow-up I had with him, which is where he told me about these experiences with C during their half hour together. I will be interested in seeing the whole prognosis. All four kids did an hour with mom and then lunch and then an hour with dad. 

That was a couple weeks ago. And then we got this other update from our counselor. We have transitioned out of the Parent Child Interactive Therapy and are into Child Parent Psychotherapy. I filled out a little mental health survey for C while her counselor observed her playing for an hour. And from what I can gather, C went nuts. Not having me there to help her regulate herself with expectations and she went off the handle. Her counselor came out of there looking a little bewildered about what just went down.

The counselor calculated the results for the two of us to go over last week and it was enlightening. Here's an update on that:

C's results from her last counseling session came in. It was a survey I filled out with mental health questions on it and her counselor calculated it all and we went over the results today. I don't remember what it was called. But what it showed was C is still being affected by the trauma she has gone through. Mostly in the areas of avoidance (not wanting to talk about her past) and arousal (being constantly busy/easily irritated/impulsive). The counselor said that often kids with arousal PTSD showing are often mislabeled as ADHD, which had me thinking about what the specialist at the children's program had noticed, as well. We will do the parent child psychotherapy and then will re-asess in three months time to see what progress has been made in those two areas. 

Something else we talked about was ways to keep C calm. To give her body and mind a break and to be sensitive to her needs for safety and connection. I am going to be working hard on these for the next while until they become second-nature. I get super stressed in the morning trying to get everyone out the door on time and stressed again at bed time, trying to get everyone in bed on time. These are my two areas of highest needs and I am working on myself, on staying calm during these times and giving the time needed to make success happen. 

The specialist at the children's program did get me thinking, with the potential label of ADHD, I began brainstorming ways to get C calm at night. Understanding that her mind needs some extra un-winding time. We have a good, solid routine and if I add more to it, the routine will last more than I have patience for. We already do teeth, jammies, stories, prayers, 5 minutes with each kid talking about their day. This is enough to have Alaska calmed down and ready for bed. C is often up for another hour, which was never a huge deal in the past, but now that school is going on, it was beginning to freak me out.  I picked up some children's melatonin at Walmart the other day and have been giving her the prescribed dosage every night. It has helped immensely! It used to take her a hour to fall asleep, just being awake, in bed, but now she is ready to fall asleep the same time Alaska is and that has cut down a lot of the bedtime drama, as well. It used to be, before, last week, that C would keep Alaska up by tossing and turning or singing to herself or whatever. There aren't as many bathroom or drink needs and evenings run much smoother as the melatonin kicks in and C is calm enough to not make a ruckus about herself but can focus on getting things done. 

So - with all that backstory. The counselor had also mentioned looking at C's behavior through the trauma lense of needing connection and safety. I have been doing my best to make those happen. Reminding her a few times a day that she's safe, asking her about her heart beat. Things like when she is happy and calm her heart beat is slow and when she is upset her heart beat is fast. Noticing the difference and she has come to tell me a few times this week, "Jessica! My heart beat is slow! I am happy!" That has been a good change. For her to recognize that. And as far as trying to use more connection, I am bending over more, getting to her level, using more touch, and when she does something really good, I compliment her quick when she does it, but then bring it back up later in the day about how much I appreciated her doing whatever it was she did.

AND!!! It was payday today. These come just every once-in-awhile and I am quick to write them down because for every payday there is negative numbers coming from my patience bank by the hundreds. Like today when we went to pick up Alaska, we talked about having a quiet voice and whispering because there are kids at Alaska's school that are trying to sleep. We get in the door and BANG! Alaska! I MISSED YOU!!!! and it's loud enough that Alaska's teacher has to tell her to be quiet. And then there are other conversations that happened two more times that the teacher had to hush her for. It was embarrassing. 

But, today being payday. We got pizza today for dinner. And there are those little 'tables' that they put in the middle of the slices. One for Alaska and one for C. Talmage took Alaska's and Alaska was having a bigger melt-down about it than she should have been. C gave Alaska her table! No prompting. Just saw how upset Alaska was and gave hers to her. And then a second thing tonight, C put all the toothbrushes back in the drawer. Not just her own, but Alaska and Talmage's, too. And the third thing... oh goodness, what was it? I don't even remember, but it was something to make my heart swell and it's that feeling that I can't forget. Something that was being a peace-maker again. Where she was extra-nice to Talmage, which is also a rare thing in itself since she is always competing for attention with him. 

Maybe all this is going to pay off, after all. Thank goodness there are good, sweet moments.