"Be peaceful. Believe in God and yourself. You are doing better than you think you are," said Geoffrey R. Holland in October's General Conference of 2015.
I believe, that to truly find peace, one must have the truest of true conviction of what one is doing.
When our family started looking into doing foster care we had a blissful notion that we would make a difference in a child's life and it felt right for us. As I have been confronted with tantrums, defiance and a lot of re-teaching I started to lose heart. This wasn't what we had put in for. Not what we expected, and yet at the same time, it wasn't unexpected. Just the way it was. As we gathered ourselves up to re-group and re-consider the situation I realized I needed some more parenting skills. This wasn't going to be a fairy tale without some hard work put into it. I checked books out at the library, I looked at books in book stores, I searched blogs and I sat down with Bro. Barnes to do a parenting webinar. My conviction grew stronger as I realized not only was I changing a child's life for the better, but I was changing my life for the better as well by researching skills that would help me raise independent, respectful and most of all, kind and considerate children. This conviction has buoyed me through some hard things, and hard things yet to come. But I know that this opportunity is not only about taking in a child, but also an opportunity to make myself and my family more understanding, kind, and structured.
Mary F. Foulger said in General Conference of 1980, "My dear sisters, I believe that you, like our priesthood brethren, have been “called and prepared from the foundation of the world according to the foreknowledge of God, on account of … exceeding faith and good works, … having chosen good.” Therefore you are “called with a holy calling.” (Alma 13:3.)
We stand in awe at Mary’s assignment to be the mother of the Lord, but we, too, have been called to mother gods. Latter-day Saint women understand that the very purpose of creation depends upon our participation as earthly mothers to the spirit children of God. As it is his work and his glory to bring his children unto eternal life, it is also our work and our glory as mothers. That it is work, no mother will deny. That it is glory, our Father’s greatest promises concern themselves with joy in posterity. “Wherefore, be not weary in well-doing, for ye are laying the foundation of a great work” (D&C 64:33). Indeed, there is none greater."
If we, as women, can have the conviction that comes with the knowledge that we have a divine calling to mother those around us I feel that we will have the courage to press on. Whether we have babies of our own or not. Whether we interact daily with teens or adults, we have a calling that has been set apart just for us as women to be an example to those around us.
We have to remember the things that we do today have lasting effects and we can use that power for good or for evil. Nothing is more powerful than having a child tell you something they have learned or noticed when you weren't even intentionally teaching.
There are others around us who notice what we do and how we act and we can be an example of something to strive for or we can be a warning. Some of my best learning moments have come from watching women I admire interact with others. As I aspire to fulfill my potential I consciously take the traits I notice from others and practice them. I have a habit to not want to take up too much time or make too much of a big deal of something and I feel as if I am always in a hurry to get somewhere. The women I admire the most take time to make connections and don't let the hustle of life push them along too fast. They take time to reach out to others and don't worry too much about what is happening around them.
I have been reading a lot of pioneer stories as of late and have started a book composed of women's diaries of the westward journey. In the preface it notes, "Though women were often drawn into performing tasks far removed from their usual domestic duties, in the end they clung almost possessively to their traditional roles. More than that, they created and maintained the networks of support that they had known in their more traditional and stationary homes."
As women, we don't need to feel bad for keeping traditions despite their inconvenience and we don't need to apologize for being soft and nurturing. My grandma has taught me a lot about traditions and their importance. They are important to her and because they are important to her, they have become important to me and when I carry on with a tradition despite every reason not to, I feel as if I am honoring her. The thing about traditions is that they are rarely convenient and I have come to embrace that. There is honor in making the unworkable, work.
We have a mother's day tradition of going to mother's day tea at my grandma's work. She is the activities director for a retirement home, I know, ironic, right? Alaska and I dress up fancy and spend the afternoon listening to a quartet, eating mini cucumber sandwiches, cream puffs and chocolate cake and listening to sentiments of mothers. This year it was a race to make it happen. I got a call that morning that an appointment in Portland that we needed to make was available due to an earlier cancellation and our next open spot wouldn't be until October. The available time would be crunchy and tight and I couldn't do it by myself. Thank goodness I have two wonderful moms in my life. One took Talmage so I could take the girls to the appointment and another came to Portland to pick up Kenzie for her visitation with her dad while I hurried on with Alaska to Tigard. Despite all reasons to go in street clothes, Alaska and I changed into our tea party dresses in the car while we were waiting for my mom to meet up with us. We were only 15 minutes late and the little old ladies gushed over Alaska and her outfit that had been mine when I was little. It was a tradition that we had to keep. And it took more than just me to make it happen.
Sometimes, on my quest to bettering myself I have opportunity to repent and use the atonement of Jesus Christ. Too often, with so much hard work, there comes a great deal of stress. When I am teaching kindness and the right way to get someone's attention I sometimes do not teach by example and I am left with no words as children go crying to their rooms. I know they need their time to cool off, even if I am instantly sorry and know my wrong. Moments like these are opportunities to pray and take advantage of the atonement and the relationship I have with my Savior.
Elder John A. Widtsoe said in 1954: “Motherhood may be exercised as universally and vicariously as Priesthood”
Many of us interact with children or teens. Not always our own and not always children under 18. It is our right and privilege to exercise motherhood. To let our arms and words be an extension of the Savior's in providing love and security for all his children.
When we can't believe in ourselves, we can believe in God. He is the variable in every equation that can make the solution 100%, fulfilled and whole. If we only have the patience to last until 6:00 pm, He has the factor to make it to an 8:00 bedtime and an 8:15 drink of water and last hug. If we let Him.
Sister Foulger continues, "God has called Latter-day Saint women to prepare his children for the challenges of the last days. In order to fulfill this calling, we must be both learners and teachers of eternal truths. We must study the scriptures that we might arm our children with knowledge of Jesus Christ and his gospel. We must guard our homes against any intrusion of evil. We must seek the guidance of the Holy Spirit. We must make our homes holy places in which to stand. Sisters, we must faithfully fulfill here the sacred trust we willingly accepted there."
There are a million and one ways to measure success in motherhood, and just as many ways to compare and determine that there is no success. We are doing better than we think we are. We can find peace in our convictions of doing what is right for us and not measuring ourselves against others. Believing in the power of God and allowing grace to fill in the parts we stumble with allows us to fill our potential and strive to be better.
I know Heavenly Father loves me and knows me. I know that He has bigger plans for me than I can imagine and that the hard things that I am doing now are preparing me to fulfill my potential and be the best that I know how to be.
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