Month 4

It's interesting how time can go on and things move so gradually you don't even notice what is happening until you take the time to reflect from what our days were like even just a month ago.

C has developed into most days are good days. There are still occasional flare ups, especially right after visits, but they are not as extreme as they used to be. The cycle of 4 or 5 good days in a row is gone and most days are the same without much heart ache. I am still teaching a lot but it is not as frustrating because we have gotten used to each other and the way that things are done. There are a lot less time-outs and much more talking about feelings. This had been a huge relief, to finally find something that works!

Her ESD evaluation finally got completed and she's on target for everything except the social/emotional part. And mostly just the social out of all of that. The explaining herself and the using her words bit rather than yelling and loosing control. Also the taking directions, but we're working on that for both of us. I need to be less demanding and give her more choices. I feel like her taking directions is more of a 'me problem' than a her problem because I need to learn how to make her feel like she is in control in order to cause her to obey and pick the correct choice.

I made a big deal of not leaving that office without some resources in hand on how to handle what she is lacking in and help her improve. A big deal. And it worked. I left with some ideas on how to make her use her words. And how to fully complete her thoughts and say them out loud in complete sentences. Another problem she has is using the least amount of words possible and expecting you to fill in all the missing information. Or there are times when she can't even fill in the missing information even after I ask her. So it's practice, practice, practice. I intentionally give her smaller portions so she has to ask for more in complete sentences. I intentionally leave things in sight but out of reach so she has to ask in complete sentences again. And when we are talking, I often have her say her words in complete sentences, feeding her the words as we go. I have seen this work in SPED classrooms and know that if they will take the time to say the words out loud, it becomes easier to write the words on paper. And I know she's not writing, but we are creating skills for her even at age 4 that she will use at age 13 to answer questions from her text books.

She has also been saying, "I love you" randomly through-out the day. It means she's thinking of me. And I appreciate it. Alaska misses her when we drop her off for visits and when she is at school. Oh, right, another new thing, we finally got the ok to sign her up for headstart! I went to Barnes and Noble the other day and rummaged through the parenting section, taking down titles that I could later look up on Amazon. There was a pretty good selection on how to make your adopted child bond with you and I am sure you could change the word adopted for foster - but I am not really sure how much of that I want. I don't want it to be hard to send her back to her parents. But at the same time, it would make the other days of my life more enjoyable. So I am on a toss-up on that one. Especially since she's not really the most lovable, enjoyable child to have around and there are days where I am glad and happy to drop her off at her weekly visit and be rid of her attitude for 2 hours. Kind of the feeling of this wasn't exactly the best match to begin with, why work to make it more emotional than it has to be?