Well... we're pregnant! Yay. It has been a couple of really miserable months. Alaska knows how to stand by me and flush to toilet each time the heaving lets up a little to get the smell out. And she knows to pull some toilet paper down for me to blow my nose afterwards and knows that if there's nothing in the bowl but I am still bent over it to come around behind me and rub my back. 'Cause she's got a good dad to show her how to do all those things.
They say you forget about all the bad of pregnancy by the time you have another. You don't. My first time bent over the toilet I cried. I wasn't ready for this to all start again. The sickness. But it was what our family needed.
I am only hoping that it goes away soon, rather than lingering like it did with Alaska. It's easier for me to count the days that I don't throw up than the ones that I do. And that's been going on for a month a half. I have to eat every two hours or it gets unbearable and I puke. By the end of the day I am tired of eating, tired of making things to eat and tired of thinking of things to eat. Because the other tricky thing about pregnancy is if you eat something that you don't want to, it usually finds it way back up regardless of when I ate it.
It's officially unofficial, though. Because I don't want to tell people and then have them asking me when the due date is, when will I know it's a boy or a girl, blah blah blah because that means doctor appointments and I haven't even had one yet. So... yeah. As long as there is no doctor appointment it's still unofficial and my time counting down until the birth-date can't happen yet. I want the biggest head-start possible. With Alaska we managed 13 weeks. They wanted to do an ultra-sound to make sure she was progressing as much as she should be, etc. by the time we got in there and they were able to tell us she was a girl right then. That wasn't all that bad.
I have already started to notice that I think I am showing. Perhaps I am just parnoid and I feel bloted a lot of the time, but I am pretty sure my waist has thickened considerably, even if there's not a bump unless I have just eaten. I feel comparable to a boa constrictor. A huge ball in my belly as soon as I eat something and nothing as soon as it's gone. But it is dang obvious.
With Alaska I was still just barely, barely showing at 20 weeks. The kind of showing you could do without sticking your belly out just a little. My muscles were tight, keeping her in, this time, not so much. My clothes already feel like they are wearing me, instead of me wearing them, and I am dreaming of the day I can slip into my pregnancy pants to even out the muffin top that has already started to appear. That's a sad, mature grown-up wish.
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