Been Thinking

Babies are always so small. That is not a lie. Their little tiny ears and hands and feet complete with fingers and toes. It always puts me in awe to touch their little faces and imagine them becoming any bigger. It just doesn't seem possible.

But I've been thinking. Does your own baby look huge? 'Cause really, you just pushed her out of a 10 cm hole and she's in your arms after being in your belly. Does all that smallness seem rather large to have been nestled up in there for so long?

I've had some time to just 'be with her' this week and it has been fabulous. There's nothing much like worrying about something you have created out of pure love with someone wonderful, not to sound mushy, of course. I've tried to stay as worry free as possible, knowing that people have been having babies forever and one more baby isn't going to defy all gravity and give way to something super weird. Plus, I mean, how unsafe can you be if you're wrapped up inside your mommy. Literally inside. Surrounded by water. It would be like living in a swimming pool. I know enough about swimming that if you can manage to breathe, you're a lot safer in water than anywhere else due to the weight ratio being thrown of and the fact that the liquid around you acts like a pretty good cushion 'cause you just move with it.

Well it happened. I woke up in a panic and attacked google for answers. She has dropped and she hadn't been moving as vigorously as usual. I guess this is usual, after much research. Seriously, if you can find two women's responses that match up, that becomes the 'norm' since there are so many variables it only takes two to create some peace in my mind. Believe me, that would not fly on a regular English research paper. Two sources that say the same thing? That's all you have to back up your theory on why Emily Dickinson never married even though she was obviously in love? You're paper would be returned to you. Magic number is 3. But not in baby research. Baby research it's two 'cause that's basically all you can find.

The doctor appointment transmitted some excitement when he told me to plan an appointment for next Wednesday but that he would probably see me in the delivery room before that. Say what? Two weeks early? Doctor, it's only the 4th. She's due the 18th. I'm not ready!

So I've been vacuuming and sweeping and mopping and dusting every baseboard, every piece of flooring twice, and even catching up some needed attention on the ceiling due to some spider webs. And I've been sitting still being with her. While she's quiet. I can feel her little body hunkering down for a delivery and I wonder about how she must be cramped in there. Her little rump is all up in my right and her feetsies are all up in my left, and that's about 13 inches right there. And then you still have to factor in that her knees are bent up to her chest and she's got a back pointed directly down and after you get done adding up all those inches, you've got one long baby. So I am kind of anxious that my theory of babies being so small has been rather misguided and I am going to birth out one tall little girl. She'll still have little ears and hands and feet, but I am betting her head is not going to look so small after I have known what it felt like to come out. I'm going to cherish all of it. Even when my mascarra runs and my head sweats. I'll remember these last days of her inside and be grateful that now I can look at her and trace her little face rather than just feeling her bum and her feet, trusting that the rest of her is fine in there.