4th - Tuesday
Alaska and I finger-painted for the first time. But apparently painting with fingers is too messy and she kept telling me which color to dip my finger into and smear on the page but when I offered for her to dip her own finger, she wasn't interested. I got a paintbrush and she happily dipped it in red, green, yellow and blue before smearing it on the paper - each time. By the end of the 45 minutes that this lasted ALL of her pages looked the same. Blacky brown smears. Something really cool about mixing colors that intrigues little hands.
We did a little shopping that evening after her nap. Got some groceries and then ran out to the hardware store before picking up Handsome Husband from work. I was looking for some mini-s hooks to use on a chicken wire frame that I made to hold necklaces. They work brilliantly.
5th - Wednesday. Made myself a busy day by having Brittany come over during Alaska's nap to finish up our chicken wire frames and then had to wake Alaska up from her nap to take her to a friend's house for a play date. She played there for two hours but happily bounced out the door when it was time to go. I know she had a good time because she wanted to show me everything that she had played with but I was extremely glad that she came with me so happily and without any tears.
6th - Thursday There's a Mindy Gledhill concert tonight at the Columbia Theatre. Two things that I never saw coming together, ever. And it has been snowing non-stop all day. We've got 6 inches now. School was released at noon for all three school districts, Rainier, St Helens and Scappoose. And people have been trying to sell their tickets to the concert on facebook all day. It's such a mess. I have no car right now since Steven took it to work and was planning on bringing it back to me at lunch. But they aren't giving them lunches today because they're so busy.
Thursday, February 6, 2014
Monday, February 3, 2014
30, 31, February 1, 2 and 3
On the 30th, Thursday, I decided I have had enough of this 'oh, what a boring day' business. My plan for the rest of this pregnancy is to do something awesome each day. Most especially since life will be changing again in June and I can't stand missing out on stuff I could have been doing before I have a constantly running and touching pair of shoes to follow while carrying a baby seat hooked on my arm. Makes me cringe just to think about it. And I don't think I am one of those moms who can just attach their babies to them in a front-pack. I don't like my babies all up in my face. Or maybe that was just Alaska because she never slept while we were moving out and about. Maybe this little boy, our Talmage, will be different.
So, as per tradition, I wore myself out on Friday doing awesome things and come Sunday I was ready to have a day at home. Brittany came over for a two hour craft project that ended up taking 5 hours and we planned another day this coming week to finish it up. I forgot how slow paint dries. Ooops. But it was nice to have someone to talk to and the time absolutely flew by. I just love that girl. We planned a trip to New Orleans in the summer of 2015, as well. When I shouldn't be pregnant and shouldn't have any baby weight left we're leaving and spending a week in the south to catch fireflies and eat gumbo and maybe check out an alligator. Or is it crocodile that live down there? Either way. We're going.
That evening we went to John's basketball game and watched them get whipped by a private school that had all black kids and a tall asian on their team. It was incredible. All that street ball, I guess. Dominique had gotten us balloons and cupcakes to celebrate our baby-boy news and she sat with us and played with Alaska while we watched John's team get stomped. I had to leave before her game started to spend the rest of the night with Steven at a tastefully simple party.
It was amazing! I love that stuff, almost enough to make me want to become a consultant and sell it. But I hate guilting people into buying stuff and I hate selling stuff in general, really, so I don't think I would be much of a consultant. Steven really liked it to, most especially because there were so many samples to try. And the fact that husbands had been invited, as well, so there were some boys for him to talk cars and guns with.
Saturday was pretty lame and it needed to be spiced up so Alaska and I went and saw Frozen. I just couldn't stand all the hype around it. Kind of like Harry Potter and that Bella and Edward... Twilight series. But as always, there's hype for a reason, and it was so good! I am glad that I waited until it was at the Columbia Theatre, the equivalent of a dollar theater around here, and only had to pay $4. It was wonderful!
I also started Divergent, a book that is going around like wild-fire. Everyone wants to read it before the movie comes out in March. I finished it in two days and am borrowing the next two books in the trilogy from one of the yw. I am not sure how I feel about trilogies, though. Usually I get wrapped up in them when the first book becomes a big deal and then have to wait a year for the next to come out and by that time I have forgotten the details of the first one I read and loose interested in the second before I can finish it. Or don't even have any real desire to start the second. I never finished the Harry Potter books nor the Twilight books for that very reason. Too much waiting and I just lost interest. This will be a nice change.
Sundays are killing me. With such late church and so much time before church. We were late the first Sunday of the time change and I knew that could never happen again. I have had us ready by noon since then and that seems to work much better. Except that Steven can never get on board and he's the one that makes us right on time. We always sit second from the back half-pew on the side. There's a grandma/grandpa couple that sit behind us and they love playing with Alaska. They have become our new family and when we were challenged a couple of weeks ago to switch where we are sitting I just can't bare of moving away from them! I don't mind sitting somewhere else, but they really do love Alaska and she tolerates their attention, which is about all you can ask from her. This past week the grandpa drew a picture of a farmer, complete with hat and sun and some meadow behind him and Alaska would take the paper from him each time he finished something and show me and then hand it back to him for him to keep working. She absolutely loved watching him draw.
Today, the 3rd, Alaska and I went to a music group called kindermusic. The closest to us is in Vancouver. A good 60 minutes away. The drive wasn't so bad and we passed a mall and a large shopping district. If I can find a Winco right in there it may be worth it to make the drive every week. It's such a long way to go for a 45 minute class. But she absolutely loved it and it would be so incredibly beneficial for following commands and trying new movements and exploring instruments and sounds. So many benefits that I want her to have! And the interaction with kids her own age. Although she is probably the same weight as most of them she is most definitely an inch or two taller than everyone, which I had never realized before. I mean, I should have when she started needing 3T clothes, but it's amazing seeing the difference. We've got one tall, beautiful girl on our hands.
After class we were both hungry because breakfast had been cut short to get to class on time. We went to Burgerville and even went inside to eat. She loved it and ate most of her hamburger and drank her milk. The girl who cashiered for us just thought Alaska was the cutest thing. They probably don't get so many babies in there. I mean, she is cute, but having just left a roomfull of two year-olds it was hard to see her as the gem that she really is out in the world where there aren't always clusters of babies.
It was interesting, the moms there. They were all nice enough, but no one was really friendly. We all just took care of our own babies and didn't really talk to one another. I think that may need to change. We should know about each other and about our kids. After-all, we are spending $50 a month for our children to play with instruments. Part of that should buy some mommy-comradery. Our first class was free, which was nice, but we'll have to budget hard to get the money together to pay for this class each month. All the other mommies seemed much older to me and I wonder if I look that old or if it's just really, I am the youngest one. They most definitely seemed to have their lives together with nice cars and husbands who get payed well. I keep telling myself, my time will come. Even if I have all four kids by that time.
So, as per tradition, I wore myself out on Friday doing awesome things and come Sunday I was ready to have a day at home. Brittany came over for a two hour craft project that ended up taking 5 hours and we planned another day this coming week to finish it up. I forgot how slow paint dries. Ooops. But it was nice to have someone to talk to and the time absolutely flew by. I just love that girl. We planned a trip to New Orleans in the summer of 2015, as well. When I shouldn't be pregnant and shouldn't have any baby weight left we're leaving and spending a week in the south to catch fireflies and eat gumbo and maybe check out an alligator. Or is it crocodile that live down there? Either way. We're going.
That evening we went to John's basketball game and watched them get whipped by a private school that had all black kids and a tall asian on their team. It was incredible. All that street ball, I guess. Dominique had gotten us balloons and cupcakes to celebrate our baby-boy news and she sat with us and played with Alaska while we watched John's team get stomped. I had to leave before her game started to spend the rest of the night with Steven at a tastefully simple party.
It was amazing! I love that stuff, almost enough to make me want to become a consultant and sell it. But I hate guilting people into buying stuff and I hate selling stuff in general, really, so I don't think I would be much of a consultant. Steven really liked it to, most especially because there were so many samples to try. And the fact that husbands had been invited, as well, so there were some boys for him to talk cars and guns with.
Saturday was pretty lame and it needed to be spiced up so Alaska and I went and saw Frozen. I just couldn't stand all the hype around it. Kind of like Harry Potter and that Bella and Edward... Twilight series. But as always, there's hype for a reason, and it was so good! I am glad that I waited until it was at the Columbia Theatre, the equivalent of a dollar theater around here, and only had to pay $4. It was wonderful!
I also started Divergent, a book that is going around like wild-fire. Everyone wants to read it before the movie comes out in March. I finished it in two days and am borrowing the next two books in the trilogy from one of the yw. I am not sure how I feel about trilogies, though. Usually I get wrapped up in them when the first book becomes a big deal and then have to wait a year for the next to come out and by that time I have forgotten the details of the first one I read and loose interested in the second before I can finish it. Or don't even have any real desire to start the second. I never finished the Harry Potter books nor the Twilight books for that very reason. Too much waiting and I just lost interest. This will be a nice change.
Sundays are killing me. With such late church and so much time before church. We were late the first Sunday of the time change and I knew that could never happen again. I have had us ready by noon since then and that seems to work much better. Except that Steven can never get on board and he's the one that makes us right on time. We always sit second from the back half-pew on the side. There's a grandma/grandpa couple that sit behind us and they love playing with Alaska. They have become our new family and when we were challenged a couple of weeks ago to switch where we are sitting I just can't bare of moving away from them! I don't mind sitting somewhere else, but they really do love Alaska and she tolerates their attention, which is about all you can ask from her. This past week the grandpa drew a picture of a farmer, complete with hat and sun and some meadow behind him and Alaska would take the paper from him each time he finished something and show me and then hand it back to him for him to keep working. She absolutely loved watching him draw.
Today, the 3rd, Alaska and I went to a music group called kindermusic. The closest to us is in Vancouver. A good 60 minutes away. The drive wasn't so bad and we passed a mall and a large shopping district. If I can find a Winco right in there it may be worth it to make the drive every week. It's such a long way to go for a 45 minute class. But she absolutely loved it and it would be so incredibly beneficial for following commands and trying new movements and exploring instruments and sounds. So many benefits that I want her to have! And the interaction with kids her own age. Although she is probably the same weight as most of them she is most definitely an inch or two taller than everyone, which I had never realized before. I mean, I should have when she started needing 3T clothes, but it's amazing seeing the difference. We've got one tall, beautiful girl on our hands.
After class we were both hungry because breakfast had been cut short to get to class on time. We went to Burgerville and even went inside to eat. She loved it and ate most of her hamburger and drank her milk. The girl who cashiered for us just thought Alaska was the cutest thing. They probably don't get so many babies in there. I mean, she is cute, but having just left a roomfull of two year-olds it was hard to see her as the gem that she really is out in the world where there aren't always clusters of babies.
It was interesting, the moms there. They were all nice enough, but no one was really friendly. We all just took care of our own babies and didn't really talk to one another. I think that may need to change. We should know about each other and about our kids. After-all, we are spending $50 a month for our children to play with instruments. Part of that should buy some mommy-comradery. Our first class was free, which was nice, but we'll have to budget hard to get the money together to pay for this class each month. All the other mommies seemed much older to me and I wonder if I look that old or if it's just really, I am the youngest one. They most definitely seemed to have their lives together with nice cars and husbands who get payed well. I keep telling myself, my time will come. Even if I have all four kids by that time.
Wednesday, January 29, 2014
28, 29
28 - Almost one month done of writing every single day. No, not writing every single day. Writing about every single day. It's been hard but I like looking back and seeing all that work. And I will like it even more when I go back next December and see 12 months all lined up with 20+ blog entries for each month. It will feel amazing!
Steven got off work early and wanted to go shoot his gun up at his parent's house. Which is fine. Not my idea of a good time, but whatever. I don't love going up there, as I would rather be at my own house fixing my own dinner and doing my own stuff but we got into a little bit of a fight about it because I sometimes feel like I am so directly boring to him. And I can't help it. Every idea I had for spending the evening together was shut down. No adventures anywhere. And I am dying for an adventure right now. A good story. Something to the equivalent of looking for jo-jos at 9pm or going through the drive-through and asking for a quadruple burger. Finding a good treasure like a couch or table. Something with a good story. So I cried and he made me feel better and he still left but brought back pizza for dinner. And a secret between you and me? I make WAY better pizza crust than Papa Murphys. My white crust beats them out of the water and even my wheat crust can stand its own just by merely being wheat and being healthier. But I didn't want to wait for dough to rise and I didn't want to make a flour mess so I let Steven bring pizza home. And we ate off paper plates because all the dishes were clean. Yeah. I am that backwards. I like having all the dishes put away in their cupboard homes and just tossing paper plates once in awhile just so that there are no dishes to do, what so ever.
29 - We're having a boy! Which I knew. I totally called that! I've already got boy clothes and have plans to get more. I am also on the hunt for a cute bed sheet. Because bed sheets get seen a lot that first year. And even all the time, actually, so I want a cute one. No solid colors for me. I want a design.
We can't decide between Orson and Talmage for names and didn't even bother coming up with any girl names because I was so sure it was going to be a boy. And just so I can call it. The next baby will be a boy and the baby after that will be a girl. Sticking to my guns on this one.
Already Steven said "Talmage" to someone who isn't Mormon and they were all like, "What? What is that?" And so he's pretty insecure about it already. I don't really care. I love it. And I love the man's writings. And we'll just have to live in Utah where people will 'get it'. Decided and done. So I have decided to tell people, yes, we have a name, but no, we aren't telling. Because I don't need anyone talking us out of our names. Those things are hard to come up with!
We took Alaska with us to the ultrasound. Which, from other people's experiences with their kids, have been disasters and I thought one more time about getting a sitter for her. I am so glad we didn't. She loved every minute of it. She was so interested in the jelly they put on my belly and so interested in the tv that showed a baby and loved pointing at the baby. She tuned out a little to read a story and when the doctor was looking at the feet we showed her and she got so excited and pointed to her own feet and kept exclaiming 'feet, feet' It was absolutely darling. She did well through the whole thing and I am so glad we took her.
We were up at the OHSU campus and rode the air tram and she loved that just as much. The conductor man at the bottom gave her a sticker and that was the most important object to her for the remainder of the trip. She loved looking out at all the cars and over the river at the boats.
Steven got off work early and wanted to go shoot his gun up at his parent's house. Which is fine. Not my idea of a good time, but whatever. I don't love going up there, as I would rather be at my own house fixing my own dinner and doing my own stuff but we got into a little bit of a fight about it because I sometimes feel like I am so directly boring to him. And I can't help it. Every idea I had for spending the evening together was shut down. No adventures anywhere. And I am dying for an adventure right now. A good story. Something to the equivalent of looking for jo-jos at 9pm or going through the drive-through and asking for a quadruple burger. Finding a good treasure like a couch or table. Something with a good story. So I cried and he made me feel better and he still left but brought back pizza for dinner. And a secret between you and me? I make WAY better pizza crust than Papa Murphys. My white crust beats them out of the water and even my wheat crust can stand its own just by merely being wheat and being healthier. But I didn't want to wait for dough to rise and I didn't want to make a flour mess so I let Steven bring pizza home. And we ate off paper plates because all the dishes were clean. Yeah. I am that backwards. I like having all the dishes put away in their cupboard homes and just tossing paper plates once in awhile just so that there are no dishes to do, what so ever.
29 - We're having a boy! Which I knew. I totally called that! I've already got boy clothes and have plans to get more. I am also on the hunt for a cute bed sheet. Because bed sheets get seen a lot that first year. And even all the time, actually, so I want a cute one. No solid colors for me. I want a design.
We can't decide between Orson and Talmage for names and didn't even bother coming up with any girl names because I was so sure it was going to be a boy. And just so I can call it. The next baby will be a boy and the baby after that will be a girl. Sticking to my guns on this one.
Already Steven said "Talmage" to someone who isn't Mormon and they were all like, "What? What is that?" And so he's pretty insecure about it already. I don't really care. I love it. And I love the man's writings. And we'll just have to live in Utah where people will 'get it'. Decided and done. So I have decided to tell people, yes, we have a name, but no, we aren't telling. Because I don't need anyone talking us out of our names. Those things are hard to come up with!
We took Alaska with us to the ultrasound. Which, from other people's experiences with their kids, have been disasters and I thought one more time about getting a sitter for her. I am so glad we didn't. She loved every minute of it. She was so interested in the jelly they put on my belly and so interested in the tv that showed a baby and loved pointing at the baby. She tuned out a little to read a story and when the doctor was looking at the feet we showed her and she got so excited and pointed to her own feet and kept exclaiming 'feet, feet' It was absolutely darling. She did well through the whole thing and I am so glad we took her.
We were up at the OHSU campus and rode the air tram and she loved that just as much. The conductor man at the bottom gave her a sticker and that was the most important object to her for the remainder of the trip. She loved looking out at all the cars and over the river at the boats.
Tuesday, January 28, 2014
24, 25, 26, 27
It's been a few slow, empty days for us around here. But I like it that way. It makes me antsy to get out and do. The pressure builds up a little instead of constantly being drained.
24 - friday... I am pretty sure it was just a quiet day at home. Oh, I remember why it was important. Because it was the first day all week that I felt 'ok'. No headache, no stomach ache and no other problems. I cleaned up the house and vacuumed and that felt really good.
25 - Saturday. Went to the baby shower with Brittany. Dropped Alaska off at my mom's house and met Brittany at the Scappoose movie theater to car-pool in together. We got there early since Brittany needed to set up her game supplies and help with decorations and stuff. I blew up and hung balloons with her sister. The shower was fun and I am pretty sure everyone had a good time.
We went to Panda Express afterwards and instead of running up to get Alaska from my mom's I went to Winco and did some much needed grocery shopping. I loaded up in the frozen food isle with a bag of every kind of prepared meal they had to offer and a few extra bags of frozen vegetables to add to the meals. It's what a girl's gotta do if a girl's gonna eat while pregnant. If it takes longer than 5 minutes to make you can bet that I've already looked at it too long and won't be eating it.
Ran up and got Alaska and Steven was able to go with me. Usually it's just me running her back and forth or staying to hang out a little bit and it was nice to have him there. My mom made dinner for us and it was so delicious! Parmesan chicken with red potatoes in garlic with a salad on the side. Definitely something I can't replicate right now but have plans to, soon.
26 - 1:00 church and I do not get along. By the time 1 comes around I don't feel like going to church. Even though it is nice to have the day 'be done' when we get home. The car was acting weird on our way home from my parents so Steven took it up to his parents' house to work on it a little. I couldn't stand leaving the house again, let alone as soon as we walked in the door, and Alaska and I spent the evening together.
27 - The first day of anything normal in a long time. I have a chore list on the fridge with something on it each day because I was going crazy during the summer. And by crazy I mean cleaning the bathroom twice in a week and vacuuming every day (I still vacuum every day) and feeling totally useless if the bedrooms were a wreck. And then feeling like I couldn't go and do anything until everything was done. So I made my list so that when one thing was done I could feel good about it and know that it was done and I didn't need to worry about the rest of it because over the course of the week it will get done.
Mondays are bathroom cleaning day. Alaska washed the mirror until the windex ran out and I didn't even bother her about it. She is quite good at cleaning up after herself and I didn't even have to teach her that. She just picked up on it. She loves squirting the windex bottle and wiping with her own rag, which she ran and got by herself when she saw I was cleaning the bathroom.
I even cleared out the dresser that we'll use for the baby. Mostly because everything else is already clean. We keep a tidy ship around here. I didn't empty it but I did go through it and clear out the junk and organize the stuff that's in there. I don't know where we'll put everything that's in there but we'll find a place, I am sure.
24 - friday... I am pretty sure it was just a quiet day at home. Oh, I remember why it was important. Because it was the first day all week that I felt 'ok'. No headache, no stomach ache and no other problems. I cleaned up the house and vacuumed and that felt really good.
25 - Saturday. Went to the baby shower with Brittany. Dropped Alaska off at my mom's house and met Brittany at the Scappoose movie theater to car-pool in together. We got there early since Brittany needed to set up her game supplies and help with decorations and stuff. I blew up and hung balloons with her sister. The shower was fun and I am pretty sure everyone had a good time.
We went to Panda Express afterwards and instead of running up to get Alaska from my mom's I went to Winco and did some much needed grocery shopping. I loaded up in the frozen food isle with a bag of every kind of prepared meal they had to offer and a few extra bags of frozen vegetables to add to the meals. It's what a girl's gotta do if a girl's gonna eat while pregnant. If it takes longer than 5 minutes to make you can bet that I've already looked at it too long and won't be eating it.
Ran up and got Alaska and Steven was able to go with me. Usually it's just me running her back and forth or staying to hang out a little bit and it was nice to have him there. My mom made dinner for us and it was so delicious! Parmesan chicken with red potatoes in garlic with a salad on the side. Definitely something I can't replicate right now but have plans to, soon.
26 - 1:00 church and I do not get along. By the time 1 comes around I don't feel like going to church. Even though it is nice to have the day 'be done' when we get home. The car was acting weird on our way home from my parents so Steven took it up to his parents' house to work on it a little. I couldn't stand leaving the house again, let alone as soon as we walked in the door, and Alaska and I spent the evening together.
27 - The first day of anything normal in a long time. I have a chore list on the fridge with something on it each day because I was going crazy during the summer. And by crazy I mean cleaning the bathroom twice in a week and vacuuming every day (I still vacuum every day) and feeling totally useless if the bedrooms were a wreck. And then feeling like I couldn't go and do anything until everything was done. So I made my list so that when one thing was done I could feel good about it and know that it was done and I didn't need to worry about the rest of it because over the course of the week it will get done.
Mondays are bathroom cleaning day. Alaska washed the mirror until the windex ran out and I didn't even bother her about it. She is quite good at cleaning up after herself and I didn't even have to teach her that. She just picked up on it. She loves squirting the windex bottle and wiping with her own rag, which she ran and got by herself when she saw I was cleaning the bathroom.
I even cleared out the dresser that we'll use for the baby. Mostly because everything else is already clean. We keep a tidy ship around here. I didn't empty it but I did go through it and clear out the junk and organize the stuff that's in there. I don't know where we'll put everything that's in there but we'll find a place, I am sure.
Friday, January 24, 2014
22, 23 - January
22, Wednesday. As I type the word 'Wednesday' I shudder. It started out good and ended with a visit to the toilet saint and offering up everything I had for a late lunch right before mutual. It hadn't even bothered to digest itself! I didn't go to mutual. My count-down for not throwing up as back at 2 days. And I was doing so good! I had made the 17 day mark!
My body disgusts me sometimes. I know what it is about pregnancy that bothers me. It's like I don't even know myself anymore. My body turns into the havoking, puking mess and I don't want to be around people because that takes too much effort and I don't want to do much of anything because I have a constant turmoil going on in my intestines and apparently this week was the week for headaches because today is the first day all week I don't have one. And by goodness I have been sure to drink my water and all that to rule out the headaches but those things are persistent. And, of course, my body is healthy and 'normal' and the doctor never says anything is going wrong with any pee test or blood test that I take. Everything is just peachy. But I don't feel peachy. I feel quite asparagusy. Disgusting. It's a nice thing to think about, that my body is just fine and growing babies is what it can do without totally medically freaking out. I don't have to be on bed rest or eating certain foods to deal with gestational diabetes or anything. Count your dang blessings! But oh my goodness.
I feel like I go from one emotional roller coaster to the other. The counselor revised my 'diagnosis' after meeting with me a few times. First, I went to counseling because I was feeling depressed and all my signs were pointing toward that but I didn't want to do medication. I knew something 'less deep' was wrong and just needed someone to help me figure things out. So I get to the counselor and they label it as anxiety and then after a few sessions it gets labeled as an adjustment disorder. But the word disorder isn't used... I forget. Anyways. What started out as HUGE has been re-directed to something not so huge and I feel better and more like myself than I have in a long time, but at the same time, I don't. Because I am pregnant and feeling cruddy messes with more than just my physical well-being. It makes me anti-social and harder to relate to people because I really just don't care. I don't care. Everything that used to matter doesn't anymore and while it's nice to be so relaxed it's kind of annoying when paired with the fact that I don't want to be around people because I don't care enough to carry through with a conversation.
The almost worst part is that I had gotten ready for the day. Actually put on a bra and jeans and makeup. Did my hair and went out to visit one of the girls who is having as hard of time as I am with her puking and feeling cruddy. I just want to take her and wrap her in a hug. When I got there with Shirley, we were also doubling in a calendar meeting, Jaimie's best friend was there, spending the day with her. I was so glad to see her I gave them both hugs. That is something rare. To have a friend who is just fine with sitting with you when you are so sick and no fun to be around. And I just loved that they had each other.
So here I was, all ready for going to mutual and I vomit just as I should be walking out the door. Steven had to go to mutual to announce a few things for the scouts and because he thinks he will be 'more in the know' if he goes on Wednesdays to talk with the leaders and all that. I sent him with a couple of supplies for that night's craft project and Alaska and went to bed.
23. Brittany came over to give me a baby shower invitation. I was thrilled to have her and we talked and talked and talked. It was so good to have an old friend my age to be with. We decided to carpool together after she offered and then quickly followed up with, "I mean, if you want to. If you wouldn't rather drive in by yourself." Because that's how well she knows me and she knows that yes, I may just prefer to drive myself and would say yes to carpool to be nice. But I really did and do want to carpool with her. I just love being with her. And I especially love that she gets it.
Alaska took a three and half hour nap and I was able to get a nap in, as well. The evening still drug on and Steven was at work until 9 pm. I put her to bed at 7:30, complete with cleaning up toys and brushing teeth and stories. And crawled into bed to wait. I had a couple of requests for snacks and had to be awake to get them. Something I have learned. If your body wants something, you aren't going to sleep until you get it. Especially if you know you can get it and it's on its way. Even if it doesn't come through the door until 10:20.
My body disgusts me sometimes. I know what it is about pregnancy that bothers me. It's like I don't even know myself anymore. My body turns into the havoking, puking mess and I don't want to be around people because that takes too much effort and I don't want to do much of anything because I have a constant turmoil going on in my intestines and apparently this week was the week for headaches because today is the first day all week I don't have one. And by goodness I have been sure to drink my water and all that to rule out the headaches but those things are persistent. And, of course, my body is healthy and 'normal' and the doctor never says anything is going wrong with any pee test or blood test that I take. Everything is just peachy. But I don't feel peachy. I feel quite asparagusy. Disgusting. It's a nice thing to think about, that my body is just fine and growing babies is what it can do without totally medically freaking out. I don't have to be on bed rest or eating certain foods to deal with gestational diabetes or anything. Count your dang blessings! But oh my goodness.
I feel like I go from one emotional roller coaster to the other. The counselor revised my 'diagnosis' after meeting with me a few times. First, I went to counseling because I was feeling depressed and all my signs were pointing toward that but I didn't want to do medication. I knew something 'less deep' was wrong and just needed someone to help me figure things out. So I get to the counselor and they label it as anxiety and then after a few sessions it gets labeled as an adjustment disorder. But the word disorder isn't used... I forget. Anyways. What started out as HUGE has been re-directed to something not so huge and I feel better and more like myself than I have in a long time, but at the same time, I don't. Because I am pregnant and feeling cruddy messes with more than just my physical well-being. It makes me anti-social and harder to relate to people because I really just don't care. I don't care. Everything that used to matter doesn't anymore and while it's nice to be so relaxed it's kind of annoying when paired with the fact that I don't want to be around people because I don't care enough to carry through with a conversation.
The almost worst part is that I had gotten ready for the day. Actually put on a bra and jeans and makeup. Did my hair and went out to visit one of the girls who is having as hard of time as I am with her puking and feeling cruddy. I just want to take her and wrap her in a hug. When I got there with Shirley, we were also doubling in a calendar meeting, Jaimie's best friend was there, spending the day with her. I was so glad to see her I gave them both hugs. That is something rare. To have a friend who is just fine with sitting with you when you are so sick and no fun to be around. And I just loved that they had each other.
So here I was, all ready for going to mutual and I vomit just as I should be walking out the door. Steven had to go to mutual to announce a few things for the scouts and because he thinks he will be 'more in the know' if he goes on Wednesdays to talk with the leaders and all that. I sent him with a couple of supplies for that night's craft project and Alaska and went to bed.
23. Brittany came over to give me a baby shower invitation. I was thrilled to have her and we talked and talked and talked. It was so good to have an old friend my age to be with. We decided to carpool together after she offered and then quickly followed up with, "I mean, if you want to. If you wouldn't rather drive in by yourself." Because that's how well she knows me and she knows that yes, I may just prefer to drive myself and would say yes to carpool to be nice. But I really did and do want to carpool with her. I just love being with her. And I especially love that she gets it.
Alaska took a three and half hour nap and I was able to get a nap in, as well. The evening still drug on and Steven was at work until 9 pm. I put her to bed at 7:30, complete with cleaning up toys and brushing teeth and stories. And crawled into bed to wait. I had a couple of requests for snacks and had to be awake to get them. Something I have learned. If your body wants something, you aren't going to sleep until you get it. Especially if you know you can get it and it's on its way. Even if it doesn't come through the door until 10:20.
Wednesday, January 22, 2014
January 20th and 21st
Monday, January 20th. Total waste of a day. The sun was super nice and bright but I couldn't make myself get out there in the cold. So I sat inside all day, feeling sightly guilty that I wasn't outside and didn't take Alaska outside to play even though it was dry. But I am making a baby, here people! And if the cold feels extra cold to me and I don't want to go outside then I don't want to go outside and I don't want to feel guilty about it.
I did nothing, the whole day. Nothing. Biggest waste of a day ever. I keep having stomach aches. Not the nausea kind but more like crampy, I need something to eat kind. Even if I have just eaten. I am keeping track of it so that I can report it to the doctor and maybe get some help for it. It seriously keeps me from doing stuff, it's so uncomfortable. I am also currently keeping track of headaches. I've had two in the past three days and I am not much a person for headaches. I know it's not because of food or water because I am caught up to an extreme on both of those. Mysteries.
Tuesday, January 21st Not a complete waste of day. But almost close. I had my last counseling appointment. Tamera watched Alaska for me and I hustled down there and back up. Picked up the house a little and didn't bother to vacuum. Alaska took a nap and Steven got off early so we went to FredMeyer to pick up a babyshower gift and 'look at guns' - Steven's newest hobby. We hurried home so that I could make it to BUNCO. I wasn't super excited to go, but it ended up being fun anyways. I carpooled with a couple of people and it was nice to not have to worry about finding the place.
I did nothing, the whole day. Nothing. Biggest waste of a day ever. I keep having stomach aches. Not the nausea kind but more like crampy, I need something to eat kind. Even if I have just eaten. I am keeping track of it so that I can report it to the doctor and maybe get some help for it. It seriously keeps me from doing stuff, it's so uncomfortable. I am also currently keeping track of headaches. I've had two in the past three days and I am not much a person for headaches. I know it's not because of food or water because I am caught up to an extreme on both of those. Mysteries.
Tuesday, January 21st Not a complete waste of day. But almost close. I had my last counseling appointment. Tamera watched Alaska for me and I hustled down there and back up. Picked up the house a little and didn't bother to vacuum. Alaska took a nap and Steven got off early so we went to FredMeyer to pick up a babyshower gift and 'look at guns' - Steven's newest hobby. We hurried home so that I could make it to BUNCO. I wasn't super excited to go, but it ended up being fun anyways. I carpooled with a couple of people and it was nice to not have to worry about finding the place.
Monday, January 20, 2014
Sunday, January 19th
Spent a long morning enjoying the morning and went to church at 1. Tamera called at 10:30 wondering if we could come up for dinner afterwards. We didn't have any plans and made it up there right after Steven took a half hour after church to find people that he needed to talk to and talk to them and stuff like that.
He said that he looked out at the car for Alaska and I and didn't see us so he did a loop around the church and looked again and we were there. I laughed and told him, "Don't you know? I like to go home right after church. And if I can't go home, I like to sit in the car and wait. Not talk to people." He agreed that it was true and apologized for not coming out to the car as soon as he could. We may need to be one of those couples that take two cars to church, if we had two, but not so the wife can stay late and socialize, so the man can.
We had rice and chicken at the Barnes house and stayed awhile after playing pool and ping-pong.
He said that he looked out at the car for Alaska and I and didn't see us so he did a loop around the church and looked again and we were there. I laughed and told him, "Don't you know? I like to go home right after church. And if I can't go home, I like to sit in the car and wait. Not talk to people." He agreed that it was true and apologized for not coming out to the car as soon as he could. We may need to be one of those couples that take two cars to church, if we had two, but not so the wife can stay late and socialize, so the man can.
We had rice and chicken at the Barnes house and stayed awhile after playing pool and ping-pong.
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