It May not be the Only Time

It happened today. I didn't take anything for the kids to do in sacrament meeting. Alaska and C were absolutely content to be near Steven and I and Talmage fell asleep without so much commotion going on around him.

Sometimes it takes hitting a hard edge to break free of what we so often hold close. This morning Alaska was begging for a snack before we left for church. I was putting finishing touches on a lesson and told her to get herself something. A granola bar later she still needed more and in my distracted state I said, "Whatever you can find. No cereal." 6 mini bags of cookies later - after everyone has helped themselves to what they wanted and opened a couple of bags they didn't want - I panicked as I was going to the printer and bursted with, "No snacks today during church!"

And you know what? I was ready 10 minutes earlier than usual because I was actually ready on time and didn't need to be rushing around last minute pouring cheerios into serving size baggies or hunting down the last of the granola bars or fruit snacks, knowing that if I have two I had better have three. And wasn't there one floating freely around here yesterday?

Also - our young women's program is going electronic free. That means leather-bound scriptures for us all, and an extra 7 pounds into my church bag. It's going to take some extra muscle to stick this one out. But it inspired another change. No more stuff to be hauling around for the kids to do during sacrament. I just couldn't handle hauling two heavy bags around like a donkey going down the grand canyon trail. And if we take coats to church - it's a whole parade. I never leave our coats in the foyer because I always forget them. It will be pouring buckets on our way to church and then church lets out and no more rain and we forget the jackets and then we have no jackets for the next couple days until I can get back for them during a night the church is open for mutual. It's a bigger headache to get them remembered than to carry them around for three hours. But those 3 hours are no picnic, either.

Talmage has a hard time in sacrament meeting as it is. And not because there isn't enough stuff to do. Having people all around and close is stimulation overload for him. I gave up bringing stuff to keep him occupied with because he would consistently and forever throw whatever I gave him. 

Little finger puppets, thrown. Match box cars, thrown. Binkies, thrown. Milk cup, thrown. Anything. Thrown. And it's not like he'll look at it for 5 minutes and then throw it. It's like you give it to him and it gets chucked up to the people in front of us. He very often gets taken out after the Sacrament and you know what he does? Steven holds him on his lap and he falls asleep. No wiggling, screaming or crying. Just sits still and falls asleep. Why he can't do it in sacrament meeting, I will never know. But today he did it, and it was wonderful. Alaska leaned over to me after noticing and said, "Talmage is thinking about Jesus" and nodded to him with his eyes closed. Steven will often close his eyes during the sacrament and that is what I tell Alaska is going on. 

The girls traded sitting on my lap with sitting beside me and were content to be still and be close. We will be trying this again.

A little boy in front of us had his mom's phone and was playing games - which can open a whole new bone that I can pick raw - and the girls were watching him too intently. I got out two pens and a notebook and they drew for the last 15 minutes. But that's nothing special I packed, that just happened to be in there and it came in handy.

Sometimes it's a thank goodness for a flip-out and being asked to do something new and hard. Our girls will learn young that sacrament meeting is for them, despite their young age.

Never Give Up

I was asked to give a talk in Sacrament meeting, on mother's day, with the topic of "never give up"

"Be peaceful. Believe in God and yourself. You are doing better than you think you are," said Geoffrey R. Holland in October's General Conference of 2015.

I believe, that to truly find peace, one must have the truest of true conviction of what one is doing.

When our family started looking into doing foster care we had a blissful notion that we would make a difference in a child's life and it felt right for us. As I have been confronted with tantrums, defiance and a lot of re-teaching I started to lose heart. This wasn't what we had put in for. Not what we expected, and yet at the same time, it wasn't unexpected. Just the way it was. As we gathered ourselves up to re-group and re-consider the situation I realized I needed some more parenting skills. This wasn't going to be a fairy tale without some hard work put into it. I checked books out at the library, I looked at books in book stores, I searched blogs and I sat down with Bro. Barnes to do a parenting webinar. My conviction grew stronger as I realized not only was I changing a child's life for the better, but I was changing my life for the better as well by researching skills that would help me raise independent, respectful and most of all, kind and considerate children. This conviction has buoyed me through some hard things, and hard things yet to come. But I know that this opportunity is not only about taking in a child, but also an opportunity to make myself and my family more understanding, kind, and structured.

Mary F. Foulger said in General Conference of 1980, "My dear sisters, I believe that you, like our priesthood brethren, have been “called and prepared from the foundation of the world according to the foreknowledge of God, on account of … exceeding faith and good works, … having chosen good.” Therefore you are “called with a holy calling.” (Alma 13:3.)

We stand in awe at Mary’s assignment to be the mother of the Lord, but we, too, have been called to mother gods. Latter-day Saint women understand that the very purpose of creation depends upon our participation as earthly mothers to the spirit children of God. As it is his work and his glory to bring his children unto eternal life, it is also our work and our glory as mothers. That it is work, no mother will deny. That it is glory, our Father’s greatest promises concern themselves with joy in posterity. “Wherefore, be not weary in well-doing, for ye are laying the foundation of a great work” (D&C 64:33). Indeed, there is none greater."

If we, as women, can have the conviction that comes with the knowledge that we have a divine calling to mother those around us I feel that we will have the courage to press on. Whether we have babies of our own or not. Whether we interact daily with teens or adults, we have a calling that has been set apart just for us as women to be an example to those around us.

We have to remember the things that we do today have lasting effects and we can use that power for good or for evil. Nothing is more powerful than having a child tell you something they have learned or noticed when you weren't even intentionally teaching. 

There are others around us who notice what we do and how we act and we can be an example of something to strive for or we can be a warning. Some of my best learning moments have come from watching women I admire interact with others. As I aspire to fulfill my potential I consciously take the traits I notice from others and practice them. I have a habit to not want to take up too much time or make too much of a big deal of something and I feel as if I am always in a hurry to get somewhere. The women I admire the most take time to make connections and don't let the hustle of life push them along too fast. They take time to reach out to others and don't worry too much about what is happening around them.

I have been reading a lot of pioneer stories as of late and have started a book composed of women's diaries of the westward journey. In the preface it notes, "Though women were often drawn into performing tasks far removed from their usual domestic duties, in the end they clung almost possessively to their traditional roles. More than that, they created and maintained the networks of support  that they had known in their more traditional and stationary homes."

As women, we don't need to feel bad for keeping traditions despite their inconvenience and we don't need to apologize for being soft and nurturing. My grandma has taught me a lot about traditions and their importance. They are important to her and because they are important to her, they have become important to me and when I carry on with a tradition despite every reason not to, I feel as if I am honoring her. The thing about traditions is that they are rarely convenient and I have come to embrace that. There is honor in making the unworkable, work. 

We have a mother's day tradition of going to mother's day tea at my grandma's work. She is the activities director for a retirement home, I know, ironic, right? Alaska and I dress up fancy and spend the afternoon listening to a quartet, eating mini cucumber sandwiches, cream puffs and chocolate cake and listening to sentiments of mothers. This year it was a race to make it happen. I got a call that morning that an appointment in Portland that we needed to make was available due to an earlier cancellation and our next open spot wouldn't be until October. The available time would be crunchy and tight and I couldn't do it by myself. Thank goodness I have two wonderful moms in my life. One took Talmage so I could take the girls to the appointment and another came to Portland to pick up Kenzie for her visitation with her dad while I hurried on with Alaska to Tigard. Despite all reasons to go in street clothes, Alaska and I changed into our tea party dresses in the car while we were waiting for my mom to meet up with us. We were only 15 minutes late and the little old ladies gushed over Alaska and her outfit that had been mine when I was little. It was a tradition that we had to keep. And it took more than just me to make it happen.

Sometimes, on my quest to bettering myself I have opportunity to repent and use the atonement of Jesus Christ. Too often, with so much hard work, there comes a great deal of stress. When I am teaching kindness and the right way to get someone's attention I sometimes do not teach by example and I am left with no words as children go crying to their rooms. I know they need their time to cool off, even if I am instantly sorry and know my wrong. Moments like these are opportunities to pray and take advantage of the atonement and the relationship I have with my Savior. 

Elder John A. Widtsoe said in 1954: “Motherhood may be exercised as universally and vicariously as Priesthood”

Many of us interact with children or teens. Not always our own and not always children under 18. It is our right and privilege to exercise motherhood. To let our arms and words be an extension of the Savior's in providing love and security for all his children.

When we can't believe in ourselves, we can believe in God. He is the variable in every equation that can make the solution 100%, fulfilled and whole. If we only have the patience to last until 6:00 pm, He has the factor to make it to an 8:00 bedtime and an 8:15 drink of water and last hug. If we let Him. 

Sister Foulger continues, "God has called Latter-day Saint women to prepare his children for the challenges of the last days. In order to fulfill this calling, we must be both learners and teachers of eternal truths. We must study the scriptures that we might arm our children with knowledge of Jesus Christ and his gospel. We must guard our homes against any intrusion of evil. We must seek the guidance of the Holy Spirit. We must make our homes holy places in which to stand. Sisters, we must faithfully fulfill here the sacred trust we willingly accepted there."

There are a million and one ways to measure success in motherhood, and just as many ways to compare and determine that there is no success. We are doing better than we think we are. We can find peace in our convictions of doing what is right for us and not measuring ourselves against others. Believing in the power of God and allowing grace to fill in the parts we stumble with allows us to fill our potential and strive to be better. 

I know Heavenly Father loves me and knows me. I know that He has bigger plans for me than I can imagine and that the hard things that I am doing now are preparing me to fulfill my potential and be the best that I know how to be.

Good Days to be Outside

We spent five and a half hours out at Prescott last Friday. It was beautiful. This small town of ours has some jewels, that place being one of them. Well, Rainier claims it, actually, but it's between the two, so I guess it's kind of ours, too.

I found us a spot in the warm sun at 10:30 that turned to shade at one. Perfect ratio and when you need the shade the most. The kids were happy to play in the water and wander up and down the beach area. Talmage did a face plant in the water soon after arriving and steered clear of the water after that. We made mermaid tails and dug for water. I was able to lay in the sand and they kicked up water and hunted for freshwater clam shells.

Our 50 hours outside is quickly coming to a close. The end date is this week, Saturday the 21st, and right now we have 1.5 hours left. I think we're going to make it. It's been a race. But a manageable one. It's gotten me out of the house when usually I would stay inside to clean up one more thing or start another load of laundry. And I have embraced that there is nothing wrong with peanut butter jelly sandwiches for dinner, or cereal, because sometimes we've been outside playing when I would usually need to be inside cooking dinner. Or heck, even some fast food, if we've been out at the park and are coming home hungry.

At our gym there is child care in the morning and child care in the evening during the week. When someone needs a backup, they try to switch days with someone and then if that doesn't work, I get a text asking if I can fill in. I don't mind and do it happily - extra happily that I don't have to do it every week. This past week I was filling in on a Wednesday and it was gorgeous out. I left a note by the sign-in sheet about joining us outside. I took a soccer ball and the kids had a picnic before anyone else showed up. We were coming directly from acro-jazz and had to get dinner on the way through town. They played house for a hour and a half until some other kids showed up and they kicked the soccer ball around for a good amount of time. They were older kids, older as in 7 and 9, and they were so much fun to be with! I am so excited for our own to get that old. Of course, then there will be little ones again, too, but it was nice to have a glimpse of what the future holds. They could actually get and understand a game of pick-up soccer and I jogged around with them, kicking in where I could.

A lot of Good

There have been some precious things as of late that I need to get down before I forget them:

We had dinner at Fultano's in Scappoose for Irene's (Steven's grandma) birthday. It was laundry day, but no laundry had gotten done because I was substituting. They had to wear dresses. They were super adorable and full of the heightened energy that comes with getting dressed up to go out.

I have some paper dolls that they only get to play with when we go out to eat and it kept them busy and quiet. I wasn't sure what to expect from them, but whatever it was, they exceeded it. C flew into Grandma Barnes' arms with a huge hug and a happy birthday wish. It was close to overwhelming but she pulled herself back and was pleasant. After dinner she was especially cuddly and wanted to sit quietly in my lap. It was enjoyable and I soaked her in.

Alaska has evolved into the big sister. She is absolutely responsible and does her best to keep everyone in line. She's not bossy about it, just matter-of-fact. She also knows when something is too big for her to handle and will come get me. Like when Talmage has something he shouldn't have, she has learned quickly to not rip it out of his hands, but to come get me to do the dirty work, lol.

For mother's day my mom taught the girls how to say, "Happy Mother's Day, you are the best!" C has been telling me this phrase all day because she knows how happy it makes me. She'll especially say it when she is happy about something I have done. When I found her shoes for church, after I came down from the stage from speaking during sacrament meeting, and when she was eating an ice-cream cone. The little goof inside of her also made her realize that she could change the word 'mother' for anyone that she wanted to make smile. She told Steven, "Happy Dad's day, you are the best!" And Alaska, "Happy kids' day, you are the best!" That girl. Sometimes she can really pull it out.

We went to a birthday party this weekend. Upon arrival Alaska stayed close to me, checking out the scene before running off. She is so careful, that girl. I don't think she's shy, because she always happy to play, but she does need some space to check things out before she gets too involved in what's going on.

C was all over the place, naturally, but her friendliness really shined. She said hi to everyone. There was one kid there that was from the neighborhood rather than from church, like most everyone else, and she was not even shy about saying hi to him.

While we were there, C brought me a cup of juice that she had poured herself. I hadn't asked for it or anything - just out of the blue - Here Jessica. It was pretty sweet, even though I am pretty sure she wanted to be so grown up and pour some juice even though she didn't want any. But whatever, it was sweet that she thought of me.

At dance class a few weeks ago the teacher commented on how well Alaska was doing. How she clearly had a desire to do everything just right. I only nodded and said, "Oh good" - not realizing the momentous comment that way. The next week I saw clearly what her teacher was talking about. They were doing 'cartwheels' on a mat. The mat had handprints and footprints for where you put your own hands and feet. A lot of the girls put their hands on the match, kicked their feet up and over and wherever their feet landed, they landed. Alaska matched her hands up, careful to have them exact, and then when she kicked her feet up and they landed outside of the footprint line, she moved them to where they were supposed to go before getting up to let the next girl go. I am so glad that she already understands the idea of doing a complete and thorough job. I hope it follows her through.

And you ask, what about Talmage? What is he doing? Being awesome. He is just being awesome. He is really excellent at taking directions and doing as I ask, even if he doesn't want to. Not any words yet, but he understands everything.