11 and 12 Months with Alaska

Ok, let's be honest here.  I didn't make Alaska's 11 month post when she turned 11 months and now I am trying to go back and remember and it's really not working.  Her 11 and 12 months blur together, as things often do when we have a long trip to Oregon.

To make my heart stop pattering about how Punky Punky (she earned this nickname in month 11 when she was unbearably fussy) is growing too fast and I can't even distinguish between her 11 and 12 months of life and how I am the worst momma for not keeping up with something as simple as posting an entry about the thing that I know the most about right now I am going to combine the two together.  After all, I have a most awesome post in preparation for her 1 year celebration and let's just leave it at that.

Favorite Things:  Animals.  You say, "ooooh oooooh ooooh" looking back at me to make sure it's alright to touch.  Riding on your scooter car at Grandma Mary's.  John would race you around the kitchen and living room highspeed.  Getting chocolate cheerios and apple fritters at Grandma Snuggles' house.  Your chin was always colored dark chocolate brown by the time you were done with breakfast.  There are suspicions that your favorite color is red.  You love carrying small, portable items around with you for the day and most often they tend to be red.

A Month of Firsts:  The Boys wanted to give you soda So Bad!  They had been asking since you were born when you would have your first soda and each time we visited the question was, "Have you given her pop yet?"  For Favorite Uncle's birthday we went to Panda Express and you tried your first rootbeer.  You sucked it up that straw like a pro and automatically opened your mouth as soon as the bubbles hit.  Ask Uncle Dorian or John for the video to that, they love to show everyone!

Remember When:  You waved goodbye for the first time without any prompting.  We were standing by the door giving hugs and you started waving goodbye to everyone.

Remember When:  You saw your first Christmas tree and looked at me as if to say, "Mommma, can I touch that?"  And I told you, "no" and you shook your head in understanding and never tried to touch until the day Grandma Mary took it down.

Special Talents:  Surprising me with how much you know without me even teaching you.  You know a comb brushes hair, where a headband should sit and how to talk on the phone.  Also, the word "No."  You don't speak it, but you can shake your head like nobody's business.  Now some mommas say, "Oh, I would just die if my child's first word was 'no'."  Give me a break mommas.  You want your baby to know, "no".  There is no other word more useful.

Favorite Pastime: (11 mths) Playing the 'thank you' game.  You hand someone something and they say thank you.  The rules of the game is that said person cannot give it back and cannot toss it back to where you just pulled it.  They must pile their loot somewhere else so that you can scoot to the pile of blocks and start over.

Sleep:  (11 mths) Know how I thought perhaps your bedtime would slip to 8?  Oh no.  This month was a month of crying and bedtimes at 6:30.  A whole hour early and it was hardly early enough.

Sleep:  (12 mths)  We did a really good job at keeping you on track for sleeping while we were on vacation. Just had to put it in there since it was so hard to tell everyone, "Ok, Alaska's gotta go to sleep."  Even when you were so busy playing.  I hate taking any time away from them spending time with you, but luckily they loved snuggling you to bed as much as they loved playing with you.  That made it easier.

Crying:  It hurts more when you fall now since you are trying so hard to keep your balance.  I worry about your little tailbone.  Those thumps you make as you fall always makes me jump a little.

Eating:  (11 mths) You are awesome at eating now.  So long as everything is mixed with applesauce.  We've gone through two jars of home canned sauce and you gobble it up like it's candy.

Eating:  (12 mths)  Everyone (most especially your uncles) were so excited to watch you try new foods that you refused baby food from the start of our Christmas visit to Oregon and insisted on real people food.  After I had so carefully calculated and packed as much food as you would need for the three weeks you wouldn't touch it.

My Favorite Part:  Playing tea set.  This is the stuff of what being a girl's mom is made of.  You eat the pretend teacakes with me, complete with fake smacking noises and slurp your tea, letting me know it has been made to your satisfaction.  You do really well at taking a sip and handing the cup back to me so that I can share.  This is much more fun then using both teacups the set came with.

My Favorite Part:  Watching people love on you.  Everyone loves a baby and you spread smiles wherever you go.

And We Held Our Breath

Sometimes.  Sometimes something happens that causes the whole nation to stop.
To be still.
To reflect.
To feel.

Friday, December  14, 2012 was one of those days.  The nation's heart skipped a beat.  Halted in disbelief, horror, rage, shock, and finally an out pour of love.

I am sure if you enter the date coupled with Connecticut shooting in the search bar you can find dozens of reports.  That's not what I am going to write about.  You can get the facts elsewhere.  I am here to record what happened to the hearts of America.

It was all over facebook.  All. over.  So many hearts and minds turned towards the victims.  Towards the children who were taken from this world all too soon.  Towards their families.  Facebook was flooded with pictures of Christ and the children.  Any children and all children.  Prayers and thoughts were sent along the internet waves.  Hugs to our own children were a little longer and a little tighter.

Trying to gather the few facts that were available just hours after the slaughter I looked into Alaska's brown eyes and couldn't imagine a day of sending her to school with her breakfast half-eaten as she ran out to the bus and her things left around the house, right where her little hands had set them, and then have her never to come back.  Our hugs at home were a little longer that day.  Our time playing was punctuated with more smiles than usual as she twisted and climbed and finished off by handing me block after block.

Society felt it.  It felt the loss of their own babies that morning and there were mothers who could not stop crying as more information was released and details got themselves sorted through.  Society felt rage.  Sorrow. Confusion.  Shock.

But society also felt the love.  We all know children.  We all have been children.  And children should not be murdered.  Love has been outpoured in immense measures.  Thank goodness society can still feel that one emotion and come together in a nation full of people that seem so disconnected from one-another.

It passes all my understanding.  There is no one to blame, and yet this was most definitely not an accident. Anyone who shoots another person has larger problems then can be understood in this life.  There are no answers, no excuses.  It happened and instead of being afraid, we have to go on.  It's not our place to judge.  Nor is it our place to blame.  It is our job to love.

Perhaps I feel differently about it because of my own brother being on the autism spectrum.  It could have been him.  He could have been the shooter.  Emotions are strong things and cannot be reasoned with.  When they are strong enough they can do many wonderful and terrible things.  Social or mental challenges set aside, we all have emotions that drive motives deep within us that often we cannot even explain.

As society quickly spirals downwards and morals dwindle and are lost it is so easy to be afraid.

That is not who I am.  That is not what I was sent here to do.  I am here to be bold.  To be courageous.  To have charity.  Alaska and the other children sent to make our family sweeter will grow up unafraid.  There is nothing that can conquer the gospel of Jesus Christ and the truths that it teaches about our time on this earth and afterward.

We will be held accountable for ourselves.  And I am sure the first question will be, "Did you share enough love."

Stunned to stillness and after much reflecting I have made a decision.  I will have no fear.  The world needs more love.  More understanding and patience.  More charity.  What is a life if you are always afraid?  It is nothing.  There is so much to be afraid of.  Especially as more and more people choose to serve Satan rather than God.  My children will not be afraid.  They will have a mother who trusts in humankind and knows there is a God.